5/10/13

Despite the happiness of the occasion, Rosetta knew that far more than the backyard shrubs were beginning to burst forth at the onset of spring. Cathy, too, was growing up (and out!) 

Even after Reggie came back from Sweden as Regina, Jiffy recognized him/her enough to where it made no difference in their pet-owner relationship. 

While Queenie and Scout were happy to be given a year's worth of new bones to chew on, they couldn't help but wonder whatever happened to those two Prohibition officers who had been hanging around so often the previous week. 

So long as Vincent still had the trots, Midge was determined to keep wearing her high-water slacks when venturing into the back yard. 

After three rowdy visits from Uncle Fred, and three consecutive bruised ribs, Mopsy was really beginning to tire of things and began to plot her revenge. 

Monica was distraught at the advent of Glamour Shots, having already spent the entirety of her self-portrait budget at Pasture Shots the year before. 

Carlene couldn't thank Bill enough for having raised the porch awning 8 inches... so that she could stand under it! 

5/09/13

John, eager to get home for supper, was frantic to get the key to his bicycle lock back after Francis swallowed it in a prank gone horribly wrong.

Madelyn was elated to have finally reached the big day, but for Howard the writing was on the wall and he was now firmly facing the beginning of the end.

Having Tim and Millie Knickerson over for dinner was always fun and all, but there was something rather childish about them that made heady conversation difficult at times.

Since the button factory had closed, Olga made ends meet by transporting beach guests to and from their rooms to the shoreline.  It was tough work, but the tips were terrific on busy days.

Carolyn wheezed with laughter at Carlton's "dramatic" new dance move... until he didn't come back up off the floor!

More and more, Loretta was finding Dr. Mendelson's parties more tiresome than fun and this one, which involved a lung capacity test, was close to the final straw for her.

5/08/13

Rowena had no idea how she was going to make salad for four out of the puny head of lettuce Cliff brought back from IGA... 

JoAnne knew that Coralee's blind date was the dog of all time, but wasn't about to tell her beforehand and throw off the seating at Ernie's Steakhouse. 

Well, Aunt Penny got Uncle Warren to stand for a picture by the tree, but there was no way in HELL he was going to fall in and pose sideways between Corinne and Celia. 

It did Grandma Bette little good to know that Olivia's new puppy, Tag, could now take some of the blame for the occasional puddle on the front stoop... 

Roger debuted his new socks in the presence of Scamp, relieved and delighted that - unlike the old pair - they didn't resemble fire hydrants in the least! 

Madge and Becky felt secure in the knowledge that Skittles was not in any position to reveal that Madge's new hat had, in fact, come from the flower garden and was as heavy as a ceramic pot (for obvious reasons!) 

Dance partners being so scarce in Tuscaloosa, Skippy was forced to partner with Roscoe when the hit song "About a Quarter to Nine" came on the radio... 

5/07/13

Joyce was all smiles as she soaked up the sun at Sally's new pool, but, as it turned out, Foto-Mat wouldn't develop the series of snapshots taken after she'd added some gin to her 7-Up.

Mr. Henckleman's petunias had been effectively decimated, so Margaret was now free to show the rest of the neighborhood who was boss.

Cliff hated picture day at school enough as it was, but he truly despised the woman on site with a comb dipped in water...

It took some real doing, but Clark finally nailed down a date to the Clovernook Country Club Spring Fling.

Charlene had felt that Christmas went remarkably well and was thoroughly delightful... until she got the roll of film back with this photo on it; proof that Gary was getting "clever" with the camera again behind her back.

Sabina was proud that she and Kippy had found a way to refill the bird bath and conserve water at the same time, though she couldn't help but detect a certain recent lack of interest on the birds' part.

5/06/13

The bank was robbed, the grocery store looted and the pharmacy cleared of all its contents, so Louie could proceed to the next vulnerable one-horse town.

Holiday fervor had reached a peak in New Clarion and Bernie felt that with enough donations dropped into Santa Clyde's pickle bucket, they might finally be able to put a roof on the VFW.

The Bunchie, an early forerunner to the Snuggie, almost took off like wildfire in 1972 until it was discovered that the wearer was unable to make it from one room to another without benefit of assistance.

Carter unfailingly found Kimberly's attic parties to become far more lively whenever he added 3/4 of a cup of rubbing alcohol to the punch!

Mrs. Forrest was used to Jimmy playing "possum" in the morning when it was time to rise for school, but she was not accustomed to seeing one in bed with him!

Not only were Norman, Lottie and Carleen the first polygamous trio to hit Springfield, but the ladies were also marvels of fashion trend-setting.

5/03/13

Frankly, Ramona didn't care whether Leon and Fiona liked each other or not. She only had one cat bowl and, by God, the two of them were going to learn to share! 

After a full day of diving and skimming the bottom of the lake, Butch had come up with one little boy and one little girl! Still, since he and Myra had a four-bedroom house, he felt it couldn't hurt to keep looking for just one more until it got dark... 

Carl learned the hard way, the very hard way, never to take a nap on top of the corn-husker again. But in time, he would come to appreciate the impromptu circumcision he received that afternoon. 

It had all been such a fun, frolicsome day at the beach until Bitsy let the seagulls in on the fact that she was carrying a Glad sandwich bag full of sunflower seeds! 

The other girls thought it was quite pretentious of Yvette to practice her Eastern meditation and yoga positions right in the middle of their sleepover, but she was determined to reach a new level of consciousness by the time of the senior dinner dance. 

Stephen found his new patio incredibly relaxing in spite of the Boron gas station directly next door and the heavy traffic of State Route 17. 

5/02/13

Then suddenly little Humphrey realized that it had not been water that he so swiftly and hurriedly drank from the flask around Rover's neck. 

Opening day at the Sevierville, Tennessee library had gone terrifically well until Beatrice left an open bag of Cheeto's lying on one of the break tables next to a partially open door... 

Even before she grew up and went on to become one of Little Rock's most notorious ladies of the night, Gwendolyn's parents knew that she was someone who had a tendency to wear short, flimsy dresses and way too much makeup... 

And so, after being ravaged by the colossal children from the planet Pituatarr, the once-sleepy town of Marysville surrendered unconditionally to their new rulers. 

Upon further reflection, and having noted the unexpected spaciousness of the beach, The Squeezen Family of seven determined that perhaps they should have brought along more than two towels. 

Practice at such an early age meant that little Roger would grow up to be a trumpet player without peer. He also emerged as the go-to guy for blowing up all birthday party and Halloween balloons. 

5/01/13

It thrilled Sheldon to no end that all of the proceeds from his top sales of Libby's canned cranberries could put him in a position to house his parents in a spanking new bi-level home.

Even as a child, years before she took up residence at the Hefner estate, Erica's parents thought she leaned ever so slightly in the direction of "easiness."

Ramona had left STRICT instructions for Betty to clean out the house and get rid of all unwanted items before she came home from work. Sadly, Betty took this literally and proceeded to rid herself of little Benjamin and Bill.

And so, with great success and surprisingly little negative reaction, the very first fund-raising Ashley Illinois Basketball Beefcake Calendar of 1921 went into print...

Lenore had been drinking Tab and dropping saccharin tablets into her Sanka in lieu of sugar for months now and felt that she had earned the right to show off the results in her new body-suit Tuesday evening down at Victory Lady Spa.

Even from his earliest days on earth, there was something distinctly special about little Ollie Parton and his family knew that there was a career in the biz just waiting for him.