9/29/14

The first Monday morning back from their honeymoon and Hiram got his first taste of bride Evelyn's cooking. Later that night, he also got his first taste of sleeping on the living room couch!

Tim floundered for weeks and weeks with no one agreeing to go to the prom with him, but fortunately as the big day had nearly arrived, his considerate step-mother Marlene obliged to be his date. They arrived back home the following Tuesday.

Daisy Duck thought she was being friendly and generous with her time, but regretted it later when this shot was developed that showed Meeno Escobar mocking her and making fun of her duck mouth.

Running short on baking powder, Alison substituted a teaspoon of Miracle-Gro, resulting in a batch of the biggest doughnuts she'd ever seen in her life!

As Gary grabbed her wrist and directed it instead of gently sharing the cake knife with her, Valerie hoped that this was no indication of what her life would be like and that she wouldn't need to keep that knife handy! 

Ever thoughtful in those pre-VCR days, Patrice called up her sister Winona to make sure she knew that Lou Rawls was guest-starring on The Hollywood Palace later that night.

9/26/14

Bethany was thrilled with the quantity and quality of the Christmas presents that Santa brought her this year, however she would have to rely on The Easter Bunny to bring her a new and effective hairbrush...

Mother Renate and little sister Francine were so thrilled to finally get to visit Miranda after her move to Reno, Nevada two years prior. For some reason this time out, they weren't able to see the "restaurant" where she worked as a "hostess".....

Wanda and Chet sometimes liked to invite Mary Lou and Leroy over for the evening, just so they could check and be sure that the ScotchGuard truly was working on the La-Z-Boy...

And so just like that, the official first meeting of The Clover Hill Bundt Club came to order although within four months, Irene (far right) would be expelled for repeatedly using frosting on her cakes instead of the preferred glaze.

Angie had wanted a portrait taken of her between her two new Kittyplay art pieces, but Bob snapped the shutter before she was completely posed and that was the final exposure left on the roll of film!

Her parents thought it might do her social life some good if Celestina occasionally entertained a gentleman caller on the front porch. However, her decision to utilize the stairs rather than the cozy glider only served to make things more difficult.

9/24/14

File photo from the little-known New Haven Connecticut Holiday Training Academy, where the early days of such folks as The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and, as seen here, Santa Claus were trained on how to discreetly enter a home without the residents knowing anything about it until they were gone. 

Vivian was eager to get to the club for the annual Marshmallow Roast & Silent Auction, but knew she didn't dare get up from the beauty chair until Ronetta was finished making sure that her hair was precisely matched to that of Ronetta's and Mary Claire's.

Homer and Alma Konnehead, after decades of childlessness, had been so grateful to find little Poindexter in their yard one night after a ripsnorting meteor shower, but it was more difficult to keep the secret of his origin from prying eyes once the warm months came and there was no longer the need for a hat...

Clifford had always bragged to everyone that his wife Molly "had a face like a picture," but it wasn't until several of the neighborhood ladies stopped in for a visit that they realized he'd been slightly misunderstood...

...And so it was on this day that Esther learned never to take Roscoe up on a quick spin around the patio to the strains of Bobby Darin if she intended to keep her hairstyle set for the rest of the evening's activities.

For years, people had wondered how Ted always seemed to know all the juiciest gossip about his friends and his friends' girlfriends until finally he was caught listening in as the gals powdered their noses out at Hopper Hills Lake.

9/22/14

Yes, Byron sometimes took a little flack from a few of the sheeple at White Birch Elementary for his peculiar style, but he always knew that personal freedom was right around the corner as soon as he could make it past high school.

It took a few attempts (including one roof landing over at Mrs. Sweeney's house), but eventually Alex learned how to catapult himself back into his room each morning before his mother even realized he'd sneaked out to play marbles all night with the gang.

Herbie always enjoyed pleasant afternoons in his Kiddie Korner enclosure until the day when his older brother Jackie and a couple of his pals decided to play snooker on the tabletop of it... with Herbie still in it!

It took a few years longer than anticipated (and a couple of cakes had to be thrown away in the meantime), but Doug finally graduated from eighth grade and, in a convenient twist, was able to drive himself to high school all four years!

An otherwise wonderful day at the pool was spoiled for Michael and Mark when they had the dubious honor of witnessing a deep florescent yellow stream of water emanating from Mr. Yearntown's swim trunks...

As Bonnie Jo and Andy switched from the pool to the adjacent jacuzzi, they were really glad they'd opted not to invite Slim and Karen to the party or it would have seemed too crowded...

9/19/14

Tommy thought he'd help out by lighting his own birthday candles with the tip of his Marlboro, but when it came time to blow all 24 of them out, he found he no longer had the lung power to do so!

High noon next to the San Sebastion White Collar Correctional Facility never failed to bring about a gaggle of wives, who would doll up in their finest afternoon dresses and have lunch in full view of the prison windows, allowing them to wave at their embezzling husbands (while also showing them how the dough was being spent!)

Reggie scoured the beach for just the right baby to take home to Marlene, though this time he came up against tougher resistance than in previous instances, suffering a mild concussion during the scuffle...

Enjoying sunscreen application during their Saturday afternoon frolic at the pond, Julianne was careful to warn Marge about the horror of tan lines across her shoulders. Unfortunately, no one had the foresight to let Spence know when it came to his ankles...

File photo taken by Thérèse Dion of her little daughter Celine at bath time. This is, thus, the first recorded instance of her heart going on (and on...)

And so Geoffrey stood back and waited to see whether his fiery volcano science project would indeed erupt on the kitchen table. Later, he got to stand back and watch his mother erupt when she saw all the "lava" stuck to her maple cabinets!

9/17/14

Jason wouldn't agree to take Leroy back to the beach for the day until he made him promise to a) not chew apart another bottle of Coppertone and b) remember not to tinkle on the sand castles as Jason and his buddies were creating them!

Before Patti invited any more of her coworkers down to her parents' beach-side bar The Salty Snail, she had to remember to have a full supply of towels on hand and also make a mental note to not wear anything absorbent, just in case!

All of her friends were always so snooty about the great souvenirs and art objects they brought back with them from their trips to Bali, Honduras, Jamaica and so forth that Leann decided to outdo all of them when she came back from Hawaii with Wo Chin...

Outings with Grandpa Sam were always educational for young Hilary on several levels. While she might find out all about wildlife or architecture, she also figured out the effects of sunburn and tan lines...

As the final moments of the strip pool competition down at the The Craggy Barnacle came about and Barbara took her last, wobbly shot, she began to deeply regret her buffet breakfast back at the motel that morning.

It was Christmas once more and as usual Stu had asked for the same thing he always did (yet never received); a shirt that could last all year before decomposing.

9/15/14

Stu and Shirley Gingham might have come from a different background than some of their new neighbors, but they still had their standards and there was no way they were going to let Angie leave the house in a dress that short (and with those shoes!)

Terry never minded how many curlers Suzette put in her hair before going to bed Saturday night because he knew that the fewer there were left in the bag, the fewer she would try to attach to his noggin!

Hopes ran high the day that Randall and Pete toured the Marin-Chong Arboretum and Herb Gardens, but after a couple of hours they gave up on looking for the herbs they had anticipated and drove the VW minibus back home...

Before departing the tiny hamlet of Favorton, Minnesota, Trixie gifted each of the men who'd brought something special into her life a box of Whitman's Sampler, though it would all be melted before she was even escorted to the bus by the Women's Auxiliary League.

As was just her luck, Carol Sue managed to get chocolate on the only nice outfit she'd brought to Berea, Kentucky and the outdoor drama "Wilderness Road" was slated to begin in just twenty minutes!

Stopping by a roadside tourist trap called The Route 25 Zoo and Taffy Shoppe, Meredith began to feel a little unsettled after her lunch of Broccoli-Cauliflower Gouda Bake with a side of chili, so she decided to waft by one of the cages where the blame for any unpleasant odors could be shifted!

9/12/14

The interrogation took longer than Edna expected, but finally she was able to squeeze it out of them that it was Francois and not Angelique who chewed up the heel of Edna's Dr. Scholl's sandals. 

Hillary was delighted that she got to pose for a portrait in her new pinafore, but after fifteen minutes of prying her loose regretted doing so against Mr. Sticklemeyer's freshly-painted siding...

Considering how swelteringly hot it was and how harshly the sun was blazing, Jocelyn, Emmaline, Aggie and Cordelia were thankful to get out of their burdensome clothes and slip into their swimsuits for a fast, after school dip in the surf.

No matter how many times Aunt Hester kicked him back into the garden foliage, Theo continued to get up and come back to ask her for another piece of elusive butter rum Lifesaver...

Before the guests arrived for their anniversary party (and before she took the last-minute rollers out of her bangs!), Sylvania forced Herbert, her husband of 35 years, to do a quick run-through of his tribute speech to her and their marriage!

Every once in a while, down at Clench's Pharmacy, Therese liked to gather several satisfied customers around the beauty counter and have them show off the Chinn-Liff Adhesive Straps she'd been hawking for the previous five years.

9/10/14

Sister Mary Sheila used to live for the days when Reverend Mother was off on field trips and missions because she knew she could sneak a little lip rouge and mascara into her daily routine without catching any stink over it.

Bereft of any water or shaving cream at the family campsite, Ricky opted for a bowl of lukewarm milk and some Reddi-Whip in order to get the job done!

Christmas had been fun and all (and the future stewardess had the full support of her family), but Gwen was looking forward to taking down the tree simply to facilitate finding a place to sit in the living room!

Business at The Wooden Dime Saloon had dropped off to the extent that Miss Lizzie took to performing her song & dance routines without benefit of a skirt.  The doors closed for good after four days of this...

The progressive little town of Ford City, Pennsylvania had a driving age of eight, which presented surprisingly few problems except that the schoolyard only had one shaded section in which to park. This meant that Hank and Lee needed to get there early each morning to secure it for themselves.

Ray's "guys trip" to Guadalajara was, for the most part, a blast, until the "entertainment" arrived and he wasn't sure if the heat led the dancers into early-menopause or if the dancers weren't quite ladies to begin with!