5/21/13

It was Jason's job to stand guard while Timmy grabbed the shaving cream and a feather, but he lived in fear all the while that Great Uncle Ralph would wake up before they were ready to pull their prank.

Carol Sue's father was so patient in driving her around the town and allowing her to practice her Li'l Miss Buttercup parade wave, but her mother was getting tired of trying to whiten her panties from all the road dirt and hood film...

As the race between Valerie and Kris was about to begin, Kris couldn't help wondering if Valerie wasn't getting an unfair advantage by starting at the lip of the pool (and being twice her height!)

The Sidebottoms were content to keep living in their house built upon a recent landfill, but guests unaccustomed to to the home's orientation sometimes had to request a lid for their drinks.

While the other children were completely content to make due with the toys in Miss Shavelson's recess room, Avery often got infuriated when the other kids refused to play Burger Chef with him.

And so with one swift, sly maneuver, Dave and Jesse pulled off the very first recorded "double" photo bomb.

Zippo himself could think of a good half-dozen other ways that Lester might have held him still for the camera...

5/20/13

Tiddly knew that there was plenty to put up with in being owned by Doreen, but enduring her was the only was to get the occasional MilkBone from the ceramic basset hound cookie jar on the counter. 

Having been raised by Wanda over the Snip 'n Clip Beautique made Cynthia no less nervous whenever big holidays rolled around and a special coiffure was called for. 

While most of the family tentatively welcomed Patrice's new little friend Balthazar into the family, Grandma Lu decidedly remained a "cat person." 

Leatha had thought that Corabeth was merely being catty when she said her new perfume smelled like sugar-cured ham!! 

Having delivered the requested barrel of brandy to the ski lodge, Bruno was content to head back down the hill so that Trixie and Denise could let the fun begin... 

Scooter knew he was just one cushion shy of finally being able to reach Madeline's bottle of Valium. 

Tinkles could often tell with one glance at Woody and Sabina whether or not is was going to be one of "those" days...... 

5/17/13

Beatrice taught all her girls how to dress with flair, stand with poise, beautify their hair and to smile... but there was one little detail that even she herself had failed to fully master.

Jerrod was thrilled to receive his remote control ambulance on Christmas morning.  The only trouble is, it had so much zip to it - and the cord on it was so short - that after only one use, he was dragged face first across the living room and required a real one!

Initially, Sukie liked speaking to the little girl in the apartment next door, but before long she began to realize that her new friend was not only copying all of her clothes right down to the smallest detail, but also turned into a mynah bird, saying everything she said exactly when she said it!

Myra couldn't wait to start her first night as the dining room hostess at The Flaming Hydrangea and wondered if, with a little determination and a touch more cleavage, she might someday be promoted to cocktail waitress.

Of all the dreaded outfits that Clifford's mom set out for him to wear, none was more humiliating than this one, which always seemed to prompt his less-understanding classmates to dub him, "Ol' Saggy Boobs"...

Decades before eharmony.com or match.com, Pierre the French Poodle did his own matchmaking, setting up lonely neighbors with one another by coaxing them into each other's yards in exchange for the occasional scotch and leftover Porterhouse bone.

5/16/13

Until this picture was developed and people got a good look at Gary (and the late Edwin Nelson), no one had ever been able to truly understand how the Plum County Bathing Association had mysteriously dwindled from its founding eighteen members to only seven after this most recent meeting!

Being a cocktail waitress at Satan's Alley Roadside Cafe had its privileges, but sometimes it took Madge so long to get ready for work she missed part of the lucrative happy hour business.

Horace was a true pioneer and felt proud to have helped found the Thistleberry County Crossdressing Society way back in 1921.

It had been a fun-filled vacation for Angie and Brad, but all things must come to an end, so it was back on board the Andrea Doria for the trip home...

The first day of school at Stephens Elementary in Salem, Massachusetts was mostly like any other except that the uniforms were sometimes more carefully pressed and the color was still deeply saturated at that point because the frequent washings hadn't yet begun.

As the towering gang of 6th graders approached him near the Elm St. entrance to school, Joey wished with all his heart and soul that his mother hadn't insisted that he wear the dreaded balloon bear pink suit that morning.

Qualifying tryouts for the Junior Division Pole Vaulting Competition had gone terrifically well so far for young Anton.  He'd passed the 2-1/2" mark and was gunning to exceed 4" by the end of the morning.

5/15/13

The stereo was rocking Barry White, the Courvoisier was breathing, her new get-up from Casual Corner was doin' its thing, her special red mood light was plugged in and ready to go and Nicolette was happenin', baby!  The only thing she'd forgotten to do was water that plant...

Mr. and Mrs. Turnbaum would certainly miss their glass fireplace screen and the panes of the left-hand door of their built-in curio case, but it was all worth it to see little Celia attempt to pirouette for the camera.

Diane, always the most brand-conscious member of the Trotwood Bridge Association, wondered to herself if this gift of Pierre Cardin perfume was going to make the right personal statement.

Scarlett's favorite thing to do in the late fall was stroll across the grounds of Tara to the oversized poinsettia tree, but every once in a while that cow India Wilkes would beat her there!

Clara was unable to disguise her disappointment that Mother Claxton was here for another of her visits.  Not only had she invested in new shoes that gave her a domineering stance, but her jungle red nails were primed for the kill once again.

Glynnis realized that Denise had her fair share of pain, but, after all, was a hemorrhoid pillow really necessary for what was only to be a 20 minute boat ride?

Once again, despite having been warned countless times about how rude it was, Larry felt the need to taste Juanita's tomato bisque right from the ladle. 

5/14/13

Shawna was so fond of Aunt Fern that she agreed to swap out headgear for the afternoon, so that Fern could get a little morale boost.

Berniece and Walter had always suspected that their trip to the Caribbean would be fun, but after Walter picked up Swedish stewardess Ilka on the flight in, they now knew it was going to be a swingin' time!

Being neighborly was one thing, but Shep thought it was pushing things for Harv to make him serve as an emergency brake on his run-down Chevy while he ran inside to change for golf.

Hermie wasn't just in time-out for back-talking Janice.  He was in time-out for stomping across her freshly waxed kitchen floor after having just come in from lariat practice.

Skip didn't so much mind sharing his birthday (and, in actuality, his life) with Gomez the Cat, but it did sting a bit that Gomez' birthday cake was bigger than his own.

It was mostly smiles at the 14th Annual Copper Flange Sales Banquet, but Jock was still miffed that he'd given Garry one job (arranging the microphone cord) and he'd managed to foul it up.

Sylvia came THISCLOSE to winning the Liza Minnelli lookalike contest, but got confused when someone advised her to bring along "plenty of white stuff," resulting in a fourth place finish. 

5/13/13

Barney knew that his horsey ride was fruitless and that he was going nowhere fast, but it made Grandpa Jack happy to see him try so he gave it his best shot. 

Of the many patients at Shady Nook Rehabilitation Center, the head injury cases caused the biggest source of concern during outdoor recreation periods. 

Cynthia looked forward every day to Chet leaving for the office, for it meant that she could get some work done as well... 

Hedy delighted in performing her Latvian Fertility Dance in the side yard until that fateful afternoon when her ankle dislocated and she had to spend the remainder of the summer in a cast with a four-pronged cane for support. 

Kellie and Bonnie loved taking little Lucien along during Trick or Treat. He had a gift for “encouraging” people to be very, very generous with their candy... or else!

Annalise and Heinrich, iconoclasts from the start, stringently ignored the “No Pets Allowed” signs at St. Moritz and happily brought Rufus along on their ski trip. 

Vonda had been warned time and again by Edna and Bruce not to sit that close to the grill while wearing half a can of Final Net, but some people just have to learn things the hard way... 

5/10/13

Despite the happiness of the occasion, Rosetta knew that far more than the backyard shrubs were beginning to burst forth at the onset of spring. Cathy, too, was growing up (and out!) 

Even after Reggie came back from Sweden as Regina, Jiffy recognized him/her enough to where it made no difference in their pet-owner relationship. 

While Queenie and Scout were happy to be given a year's worth of new bones to chew on, they couldn't help but wonder whatever happened to those two Prohibition officers who had been hanging around so often the previous week. 

So long as Vincent still had the trots, Midge was determined to keep wearing her high-water slacks when venturing into the back yard. 

After three rowdy visits from Uncle Fred, and three consecutive bruised ribs, Mopsy was really beginning to tire of things and began to plot her revenge. 

Monica was distraught at the advent of Glamour Shots, having already spent the entirety of her self-portrait budget at Pasture Shots the year before. 

Carlene couldn't thank Bill enough for having raised the porch awning 8 inches... so that she could stand under it!