2/7/14

Harmon was so considerate to come out into the yard to do his isometrics and calisthenics rather than wake the whole family.  Unfortunately, he did so anyway when one of the springs broke on his training device and half of it shot through Grandpa Jack's bedroom window!

Timmy Joe and Doug were ecstatic to receive the walkie-talkies they had requested for Christmas and if it was quiet in the room and they concentrated really hard, they could even hear each other at this distance.  Later, Uncle George would blow their minds by putting batteries in them, allowing the boys to speak to each other from one whole room to the other!

It took a while for Sally to come to terms with the fact that, as the daughter of Smoky Eaves' fire chief, she would forever have to ride to school with the station's mascot Hoser, since dad always dropped her off on the way to work.  

It says something about Paolo's sense of rhythm that his sister Carina would rather practice her dance moves (to the groovy sounds of Tom Jones) with Rex than with him.

Bob and Rufus were content enough to enjoy their steady stream of $1.25 cans of beer, but Karen made her opinion of the taste more than clear to both of them (and to everyone else around!)

Unbeknownst to April, during a brief break at the Renaissance Fair a local wizard in front of her was busy casting a spell that would revert her 1983 eyeglasses into more appropriate wire-rimmed spectacles.

2/5/14

The kids had an absolute ball riding in the back of the pick-up with Smokey the Bear... until mid-way through the parade when they found out why the floor of the cab was strewn with plenty of straw.

The terror of children everywhere in the neighborhood, Mr. Chaney was actually a very nice man offering help to people, but cursed with a face caused by a childhood unicycle accident.

Elva Spratt was so disappointed when she arrived on the scene of her potential new apartment.  The newspaper ad referred to a one-room studio efficiency featuring all knotty pine walls...

File photo taken just before Ms. Bertha Flood turned around to slap little onlooker Ricky Chase, who'd been overheard saying, "Oh no... Is she gonna make a big splash again?"

Dating Clarisse had its challenges (the week before, a rollerskating incident claimed his right wrist), but Bernard saw something so strangely captivating in her he just simply couldn't quit!

Mary Alice couldn't believe that a mere 45 minutes into her new marriage, her mother-in-law Harriet was already asserting her control, right down to cutting the first piece of cake and feeding it to Tommy the groom!

2/3/14

After Brandon relieved himself on the side of his mother's potted petunias rather than make the long walk inside to the toilet, Krista decided to bring Rolf out onto the balcony so that he could take the blame...

Reggie thought he could get away with being smart like this, but once the pictures came back two weeks later, Aunt Edwina gave him what for in a way he'd never forget!

After a rough day of opening gas tank caps with his teeth and wiping down windshields, Nipper felt entitled to a nice, relaxing belt of whisky come closing time...

Poor Aunt Gladys was so fixated on the camera, she failed to take notice of the gargantuan condor that was swooping in to take a quick peck at her, but Albie saw it coming!

It was all smiles for Justin and Kendra during their tour of The Great Wall, until it dawned on them that they'd actually been traded away by their parents for twenty bolts of the finest silk and a pallet of priceless jade...

Fun as it was for a while, after a couple of hours Geoffrey had had it with playing baby Jesus and was ready for his dish of hominy and some apple juice!

1/31/14

Cynthia was staggered by Art's proposal, but before she answered him, she had to weigh the knowledge that she'd be marrying someone whose hair would always be twice as big as hers...

Forced to improvise when the regular raft of ladies failed to show up at Stogie's Saloon and Dance Hall, George and Doug found that after the first few numbers (and the first few whisky & waters), they really didn't mind the gals failing to show!

Though George Burns is the one who emerged with the reputation of a cradle-snatcher, Groucho Marx was also no slouch when it came to dating attractive younger women and did so right up until the end...

Janice demanded that Tiffany tell her immediately what it was that possessed her to skip into the middle of her birthday party and moon all the grandparents, so Tiffany indicated the punch bowl in the breakfast nook, which Janice had neglected to label "Adults Only!"

Anton Wallenda believed it was never too soon to get members of the family prepared for life in their tumbling act.  However, he also learned that the best - and cleanest - practices came BEFORE Robbie had his dish of Quaker Oats and not after...

Raejean had long heard that everything was bigger in Texas, but there was nothing that could prepare her for the payphone at The Cattleman's Club.  Not only was she unable to lift the receiver off its cradle, but she didn't even have a dime big enough to stick into the side of it!

1/29/14

Following the ferocious Norwegian tsunami, Hildegarde combed the beach for bits of debris, salvage and another other assorted finds.  She really hit the jackpot, though, when she brushed away some seaweed to find Gunnar!

Of all his birthday presents, Charlie was most fond of his little tractor, but, living in the city as he did, there was no soil to play with, so he had to be content to clank around with it on the cement...

At the 4th Annual Whispering Slumber Stroganoff Dinner Dance-Off, Herman and Mabel took top honors for the second year running, though naysayers felt that Mabel was doing all the work while Herman just sort of stood in place...

The Anheusers knew that they only had a brief window of time to achieve this family portrait before patriarch Barney "Bud" Anheuser would be too far gone to sit upright for the camera.

Ray's first visit home on leave demonstrated that nothing had changed and that all the good times and belly laughs were going to continue on as if he'd never been away at all!

Janet had a foolproof way of determining the quality of her gentleman callers.  While she took them for a quick test-drive, Ringo would watch closely and then after the first big kiss he'd rate them for her by touching his paw to the carpet anywhere from one to five times in a row.  Ones were shown the door without coffee.  Fives enjoyed coffee the following morning!

1/27/14

At first, Sidney was horribly disappointed in the housewarming present (a sofa bed) his buddies had chipped in for... until he opened it up and out rolled Dorothea!

In order for romance novelist Dianne Copper to honestly depict the wealthy, glamorous subjects of her books, she felt the need to doll up in white gloves and a mink halter dress each morning before sitting down to type.

Since their birth, Grandma Stone had stressed to the children the importance of good manners and decorum, such as sitting with one's legs together rather than apart.  Sadly, only Fred ever benefitted from these lessons, never Sharon...

It wasn't enough to have Paul die of an incurable disease, but now Liz had fallen up the stairs and ruptured her liver, killing her.  At this rate, Bernice wasn't sure she was going to be able to tune in any further to the continuing story of "As the World Turns."

Sandra was proud of her body and felt that her purple bikini showed it off to great advantage.  It was the rest of the family's problem that they all preferred to pile onto another bench rather than sit by her...

Sick to death of cleaning sand out from between his toes after long walks on the beach with Tori, Stanley finally came up with an effective preventive measure...

1/24/14

Kimberly and Tracy always played well together.  One of their favorite games was locking mommy out in the apartment building hallway, dressed in only her nightie, when she ducked out to grab the morning paper.

Mary Alice, Cora and Francine felt that a four-person mirror intervention was the best way to demonstrate to Melba the benefits of a deeper shade of lipstick.  They'd get to the subject of her hat later...

Lynda Kay was crisp and white the morning of her First Communion, but an unfortunate meeting between the clothesline and her veil resulted in a set of green-stained knees by the time she got to the church.

Though Pat had initially loved the idea of sending Eldon off to YMCA Day Camp each morning, by the fourth day of getting up early to pack his belongings she was pretty much through with the whole idea.

Connie was so excited to be taking part in the Prellville Bicentennial Parade that she darted off to the school parking lot without her tambourine!

Renee felt that just because Myra was the sole female in the seven-person Oom-Paa-Paa Oktoberfest band there was no reason why she couldn't fix herself up a little and stand amongst all the men in lederhosen.  

1/22/14

Coralee was stunned when she heard the lifeguard holler, "Get your ass off this beach!" to Donald until she turned around and saw exactly what he meant...

After witnessing the way Mitzi handled the mast during preparations for their sailing jaunt, Teddy had a feeling he was going to be in for a very pleasurable cruise...

Clara Sue and Melanie were so proud of their school basketball team, The Aardvarks, for making it to State that they decided to surprise them the moment they came off the court and into the locker room!

This is something we've tried to keep from both Superman and Batman, but in the mid-'70s, Wonder Woman was briefly involved in a secret romance with Spider-Man, as this snapshot from the Marvel Manor Motor Lodge reveals.

So long as Clarence was going to continue with his spells, Florrie had to continue to take his plate down to his room in the cellar where he'd remain until he could eat again without throwing things.

As the noise level increased to a fever pitch, Cleatus remembered the long-gone good old days when a photo shoot of "the kids" consisted of only himself lounging by the fireplace.

1/20/14

Mary Alice's favorite holiday was Valentine's Day, because in the mining town of Chiselton, North Carolina, there was a 4 to 1 ratio of men to women and she knew she'd have suitors falling all over themselves to win her affection on the big, romantic occasion.

Rita's parents told her she could invite anyone she wanted to her late-June birthday bash, so she took them at their word and hosted the entire badminton team!

Sassafras had a feeling her ears were going to be cold tonight while her mistress was out on the town, but it was Midge's turn to wear the wig and there was really nothing to be done about it...  

As the procession of well-wishers wove their way past Jeannie and Glenn, they became more and more aware of how big a mistake it was to have left the boot & shoe scraper at home during their pastoral outdoor wedding...

So long as Fern insisted on serving sauerkraut without so much as a hint of sausage or kielbasa mixed in, Chipper wasn't having it, no matter how much she begged and persisted.

Alvy liked his little cabana all right at Whispering Palms resort along Delray Beach (though the chairs could have been a tad sturdier), but what on earth was it going to take to get his Mai Tai before he dehydrated?!