12/19/14

Joyce and Sherm couldn't rely on the clock radio to keep correct time, so they invested in a sailboat clock to sit atop the TV, ensuring that they would know exactly when it was time for that week's episode of "Adventures in Paradise" starring Gardner McKay!

Brett and Kristin, THE hot new couple at Nab Hill High School, couldn't believe their luck when they were cast together as Lun Tha and Tuptim in the 1984 production of "The King and I!"

And so an otherwise routine day at Nibbleworth Petting Zoo was interrupted by the spectacle of Reno and Chet, two rodeo cowboys on their day off, chasing down various goats and llama to practice their hogtying and branding skills!

After hearing her ranting about the horrors of detention, Principal Flushing decided he'd give Patty something to really complain about, so he sent her off to the boy's locker room with orders to scrub out the urinals!

Steve liked the ocean close, but his girlfriends closer, which was fine with Marla and Renate except for the fact that they always had arm shaped tan lines across one shoulder when they got home from the beach...

A shy person anyway, thanks to her excessive height, Allison was particularly afraid to drop her towel and show off her figure in a clingy swimsuit during a day at Hayes Beach.

12/17/14

As her limbo pole got lowered further into the red zone, Lolita began to wish that she'd chosen a minimizer instead of the bullet bra she'd selected that evening.

Just one more of the many fringe benefits of a stay at Upright Timber Mountain Hideaway was personal hair highlighting applied by the resident stylist/masseuse Colt Armstrong.

As Monday was laundry day at Rusty Hinge's Traveling Carnival, Sundays could sometimes involve questionable attire as the workers ran to the last of their viable options for clothing. Norv, for example, was down to this ill-fitting tank-top, won at the ring toss game several years beforehand...

So the Miss Rhode Island competition came to its frenzied conclusion with virtually everyone present ecstatic over the winner, though Miss Peace Dale remained reticent about the decision.

With the Sophomore Sno-Ball Dinner Dance on the horizon, Mary Agnes decided to go all the way and requested a "Marilyn" from her beautician down at Tres Elegantz Cosmetology Institute.

While the majority of the guests were pleased enough with the match, Thomas really questioned whether Irving was truly the best groom that his daughter Sandra could find for herself.

12/15/14

And so, after nine long months of remodeling, Johnny's basement bar and rec room was finally completed. Now the tougher task of obtaining some actual friends to come over and make use of it began...

Always the entrepreneur, Maureen decided to put the TV Guides into the slot meant for Reader's Digest and insert some her own recipe booklets into the Reader's Digest slot on top, thus cashing in on all those years of collecting dog-eared delicacies from old magazines and even older relatives.

Whenever the Gibbons brothers got together to cook breakfast for mom, it was up to Chester to scramble the eggs and saute them with the ham and potatoes and it was up to Danny to pick out the stray chest hairs before the meal could be plated up!

Denise thought she'd gotten everything sewn up the way she wanted, but then was presented with a cloth-bound, 20-page pre-nuptial agreement from Darryl's family that she was expected to sign before the ceremony could take place the following morning...

With the help of her fellow consultants, Venetia hoped to finally rid Clarice, once and for all, of those dreadfully thin, misshapen eyebrows that had gotten under her skin since their first meeting three months prior.

Cheryl was delighted that Santa brought her not only one but two Barbies for Christmas, complete with a wardrobe of stunning fashions. Unfortunately, brother Scotty was already earmarking them for use as targets with his own treasured present, a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle...

12/12/14

Although she adored him, one thing Alice loathed about having Champ around was the twice-weekly sojourns to the yard in order to pick up his dog doo. But after donning her boots and knocking back a quick three-finger shot of Beefeater gin, she was usually fortified for the task...

Angela loved her job as a demonstration model on the little-known TV game show "Kitchenette Crossword," though it did get rather trying having to be down at the studio by 5:00am on taping days for makeup, wardrobe and a quick pick-out by hairdresser Beverly.

Well, the big day was finally here and Danny wanted to be positive beforehand that groomsmen Troy and Clifford had all their moves down pat for the "Saturday Night Fever"-themed wedding processional he had planned for unsuspecting bride Karen.

Julius generally had a great time during his stays with Grandma Marx and she was always able to gently bounce him to sleep on her lap. It was waking up to those busy throw pillows that typically caused him to fuss for a few minutes.

No one down at the Elks Lodge 181 was more popular on the dance floor than Dolly. No matter who she whirled around with or whether they stepped on her feet or not, she always kept a smile on her face and demonstrated a happy attitude!

Ever since Ringo found out that casting directors were on their way to Villa Rica, Georgia to find Dalmatians for an upcoming movie, he'd positioned himself on the front lawn in costume, hoping for his one big shot at stardom...

12/10/14

Manolito had truly had his fill of the children jumping up and down on the bed and hollering all through the first half of the Auburn game, so he scrambled them up some phenobarbital eggs for lunch and offered them each half a Melatonin as "vitamins..."

Skippy knew his owners The Spragues were particular about "accidents" in the house, but it never dawned on his until this day that they were also quite protective of their boat dock, bringing yesterday's paper along with them in case he felt the need to go.

Adele had no objection to her parents suddenly deciding to protect their brand new couch with a plastic cover, but some days, if she wasn't careful and wore the wrong fabric, she had a tendency to slide right off and onto the floor!

Complaints from several of the paying guests left Bud, manager of Leakes' Highway #1 Stop-'n-Drop Motel, feeling that the small sign at the pool entrance wasn't doing the trick and that a more direct approach was needed in order to get the point across...

Watson could tell that things were getting a little hoity-toity at his owners, The Dunhills, when they requested he enjoy his pipe out in the side yard after his dish of Lucky Dog rather than in the parlor as had always been the case before.

Cynthia really felt she had a shot this year at the annual Miss Lower Baltimore Gala Pageant until one of the more critical judges asked if she'd patterned her dress after "one of those dreadful cozies that cover up the extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom."

12/8/14

As an only child, Kelly Ann took in an embarrassment of riches during all holidays, including Easter. She also wound up with an embarrassing number of cavities during her late-spring dental exam...

Melanie found out the hard way not to wear white for Christmas if she planned on carting around her little boy, Willard Fillmore, all afternoon.

Dr. Barnum was one of only a handful of dentists who still made house calls in this day and age, though his work tended to aggravate not only the canines in the patient's mouth, but the kind in the patient's house, too!

Vernee wondered if she would find anything at the Pine Knot Senior Center Craft Show and Jumble Sale, but was delighted when she found a painting that slipped perfectly in-between the two oil on cardboard items she'd gotten last year!

Market day for Ezra and Molly had its share of challenges, especially since Molly had recently begun to use a cane while riding her bike!

And so what would have been another dull office party down at Fourth National Bank of Alamogordo, New Mexico became a laugh riot thanks to Armando's last minute, spirited performance of The Pinto Bean Harvest Dance.

12/5/14

It was important to Patty Nagleson that her children grow up with the same sort of values and gender roles that she and her husband shared, so she helped Robbie learn how to drive and Suzanne to learn how to backseat drive...

Everything about dating Eva was terrific except for her hobby of snake-charming. Thus, after one too many encounters with her favorite pet Anton, Charlie had to break things off and look for a more traditional girlfriend.

Another potentially perfect family portrait of The Mallforths was semi-spoiled because Chip decided to put rabbit ears behind his sister Julie. Fortunately, her voluminous bangs helped to camouflage most of the prank...

Initially, most of the gang shied away from picking Esther to be on their volleyball team, but once they found out about her unusual, but highly effective, special technique for serving, she was elevated to team captain!

It looked as if Carolanne's first big holiday meal for the family had been a huge success, especially since there were no leftovers, but her mother-in-law Wanda thought it was sad that there had only been a 7-pound turkey for 18 people and knew that she and Henry were going to have to stop off at Stuckey's for a snack on the drive home.

Neil tried so hard to fit in with the other soldiers at Fort Laymee, but until he could head down to Juanita's Passport Photo and Souvenir Shoppe for the proper leisure-time garments, he was never going to cut it with his peers.

12/3/14

When Jerry lost his legs in a frightful accident during his paper route, many thought that his life would be adversely affected. However, when local ladies' boutique owner Marcus Nieman donated a set of artificial gams meant to show off panty hose, Jerry not only began to excel in many areas, but he also was a big hit at the pool!

In his haste to get ready for work down at Boomtown Axle & Dye, Leroy had a blowout in the one clean pair of boxers left in his chest of drawers. Fortunately, he still lived at home, so his mother Carrie Sue was able to effect a quick repair job on them before he missed his bus.

So many folks wondered how Kevin and Renate (professionally known as "Arm & Glamour") were able to perform their many feats of magic and derring-do, but few people knew that Renate's well-rounded bosom helped provide comfy cushioning (and ballast) as Kevin swirled her around.

As one of La Vey, Alabama's few agnostic couples, Regina and Myron didn't take part in Christmas caroling, but did make up for it during late November by strolling door-to-door with their acoustic rendition of "Turkey in the Straw..."

Felicity got so excited when "The Incredible Journey" was finally broadcast on TV since she hadn't been permitted in the theater when it was first released, but for some of the more suspenseful parts, she found she had to climb onto Maynard's lap.

Unfortunately for her, Trish's "fairy tale" wedding wound up with a marriage that included far more "fairy" than "tail..."

12/1/14

Vernelle kept finding wet spots in this corner of the formal living room and for a moment wondered if her Grecian statuette had previously been a fountain with residual water left in it, but in time she discovered the true source... Willie.

Veronique wanted her wedding to Dan to be perfect in every conceivable way and even managed to find a gown that comfortably hugged her four months pregnant midsection....

Trixie Wolfson was known for making calls to the fire department for issues that ultimately didn't require their assistance, followed by a complimentary glass of apple cider and a soothing shoulder rub. This time, Chief Mike cut to the chase and didn't even bother to put his shirt on when she called the station to report her cat trapped on the top of her four-poster canopy bed.

After five years of chasing all the rabbits out of his owners' yard, Brutus was none too pleased to have finally been ensnared by the one at The Carrot Field Shopping Center & Municipal Complex.

All the ladies of Paris, Arkansas were excited about the concert that night (Viola, Mildred, Elva Jo and Bert even tailgated!), but they knew deep down that in order to hear all of Glen Campbell's big numbers, they were also going to have to sit through co-headliner Tanya Tucker's repertoire as well.  

Patrice and Lena Fay decided to raise the stakes on this round of Bingo at the Dahl Community Center. Whoever had the least amount of hits on her card had to come next week without benefit of either a wig or hairpiece. (Nor could she cheat and wear a hat or scarf!)