5/21/14

Knowing that, as the third child of theirs, little Theo was forever going to be nestled between his siblings in the backseat of their Dodge Dart, the Crushers decided to acclimate him to the idea early on...

Judy and Ann Marie thought it was jarring enough that Lydia brought back all that Central American artwork to redo her house, but when she began to dress the part, even for such simple occasions as a Dominos & Watercress Bruncheon, a line was drawn in the sand.

The Bay City Bruisers had dominated the women's bowling league for four years running, amazing everyone, until their star player Hermia (center) was discovered standing up to urinate in the ladies room, resulting in the stripping of their titles and a scandal that is still whispered about today!  Later, Hermia reverted back to the name Herman and emerged as a mid-level men's bowler in a nearby town.

If anyone had told Velda a year before that she would fall head over heels in love with a man who wore more lipstick than she, she would have thought them crazy, but this is just what happened when she happened to be in line behind Lucky at the Automat.

Leo and Susan loved to kick up their heels and discount all the warnings about safety on the water, though shortly after this photo was taken - and Leo "docked" their boat in the parking lot of an all-night grocery - they mutually decided that one of them should remain cold sober when yachting.

Natalie had always dreamed of landing a man with nerves of steel, an iron will and a heart of gold, but Rusty exceeded even those lofty expectations (except that he did have to decline those rare occasions to dance in the rain with her...)

5/19/14

Cliff was so happy he'd gone ahead and water-skied that morning since his third wipe-out allowed him to run into Charma.  The two of them have been together ever since and have a whole school of offspring now!

Reggie always hated time-out until the day he decided to bring Farfel along for the duration of it.  After that, he never again regretted acting up around the house!

Michelle's roommates were as patient as saints as she prepared for her upcoming audition as Esmerelda the Gypsy Girl in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," even when the jangling of her bracelet made it impossible to either sleep or study!

Before technology advanced to the state it's at now, where cameras can easily be slid into one's pocket, burgeoning photographers like Anson had to bear the burden of lugging their devices (and the not exactly light film and flashbulbs) everywhere they went!

Neville knew there was only one way he was going to sell the most magazine subscriptions and win the top prize of a trip to The Hague, so off he went to push his wares, even in the most inclement weather imaginable...

During those long stretches of downtime at Camp Sawnloggs, Teddy liked to focus on his wife Marie and their little daughter Julie while Burt occupied his time with cheesecake art from one of his favorite magazines.

5/16/14

Enjoyable as the mermaid show was at Weeki Wachee Springs, Evelyn and Harold knew that they'd put on many more exhilarating performances in their own above-ground at home! Still, they felt no need to share this with Evelyn's mother Nora Jean.

Clint and Sara Beth had finally gotten through the ceremony and were eager to begin their married life together, though it didn't dawn on them until this very second that Clint's close buddy and best man Ryan had every intention of tagging along on the honeymoon!

Not content only to have rescued Ingmar from the horrors of a hiking mishap in St. Moritz, Bartholomew also insisted on walking him to Our Mother of the Precipice grade school each day even though he was really quite fine now!

And so another potentially charming and romantic photograph of Ferlin and Sue Ann was spoiled because he'd momentarily forgotten just how much Turtle Wax he'd spread on the trunk of his car that morning.

Any second thoughts that Chip Lambskin might be having about his impending nuptials to Dionne were swiftly quashed by her father the morning of the ceremony...

Initially, the neighborhood children of Chase, Wisconsin were delighted by the folly of an Easter Egg Hunt, but things quickly devolved once Paulie and Charles caught a whiff of chloroform... 

5/14/14

On the surface everything seemed fine enough at the reunion, but in actuality Raynelle (upper left) was seething that she'd overheard Aunt Lottie (lower right) describe her peach pie crust as being "'bout as tender as an alligator handbag!"

As Juleann readied for round two of her dance practice as "Jet Girl #4" in Low Flank High School's presentation of "West Side Story," Barbara took cover behind a kitchen chair, having already been slugged a couple of times during round one!

It was a long and terrible walk down the hill past all the neighboring plantations, and she even fell and tore the knee out of her tights, but Molly Sue loved the penny candy at Mr. Shufflemeyer's store and that made it all worthwhile...

After the bank job in Sanderson, Texas, Clyde was ready to high tail it out of town and quick, but Bonnie never could resist the chicken served at the local diner, so they pulled off the road briefly for a replenishing snack.

Grandma June didn't particularly care whether the family was "roughing it" or not.  Come suppertime, she felt it necessary to dress in her customary fashion and insisted on proper (picnic) table manners from everyone.

And so at the stroke of midnight, Elaine decided to show everyone her party trick of how to clear everything off a table without the use of her hands...

5/12/14

Ever the copycat, Monica saw that Cheryl was having her portrait taken out by the mailbox, so she ordered Richie to snap a picture of her bringing in the groceries so that her next-door neighbor wouldn't have a leg up on her when it came to 3x3 snapshots sprinkled through the house.

Cliff was headed off to town in the truck, but Leoda needed two cups of corn meal from her neighbor Maisie right away, so she hopped on Champ and rode over to collect it asap!

Always one of the more progressive families in Salt Lick, The Geicos took in Ogg the caveman and raised him as if he were one of their own.  He repaid them by always ensuring that there was meat on the table...

Since several of the city's bylaws had fallen off the books, the prostitutes in Daytona Beach, Florida had gotten so brazen that they took to standing on the street corners with signs promoting their prices right on them!

Bath time was never one of Monique's favorite activities, but it was made especially hellish whenever Clara had forgotten to remove the breakfast dishes from the sink before dropping her in the soapy water!

After this fourth disastrous attempt, Felicity decided it was time to shelve her once-promising re-enactment of Shirley Temple's dance on the stairs with Bill "Bojangles" Robinson from "The Little Colonel" and go inside to play with her Spirograph.

5/9/14

A rare snapshot taken during a training film at the Filmore Prophylactic Company, in which a gaggle of local housewives were brought in to do quality and standards testing on the product before packaging.

Thanks to their vastly different backgrounds, no one thought that the union of Penelope and Marmaduke would last beyond a few months, but after the birth of her second child, it was clear that their marriage was going to make it over the long haul...

After Roxanne fed Sandy one of her famous Harvey Headbanger apéritifs, it was clear that she was going to need a little help getting Sandy up off the sofa and ready for dinner!

The mid-spring cyclone which swept through Cherryvale left a lot of debris in The Uggingtons backyard, but Rufus was happy to pitch in any way he could to help clean up.

For their third date, Marcy and Randall engaged in a heated game of Monopoly.  After Marcy put a hotel on Park Place and wiped him out, however, Randall never proceeded with a fourth date.

One could always tell when summer arrived in Knobby Ash, Illinois because the Herb the mailman switched his uniform to shorts, as Harriet and Leatha were quick to notice!

5/7/14

Though Leonora put in many a hard day on her feet at the bank, she at least could take pleasure in the evenings when Leonora went night-night and with the help of a wig and some different clothing, "Nora" emerged and took center stage.

It took Alfie almost eleven years to perfect his "human pretzel" contortion stunt and then, just as he'd finally achieved it, he for some reason opted to never leave the house again!

It was with rapt joy that The Ramirez Family celebrated their first year in the U.S.  In fact, their elation was so great they forgot to light or even blow out the candle on their cake.

As Mary Evelyn prepared to board the plane back to Massaponax, Virginia, it occurred to her that this was the fourth time she'd been "lei-ed" on the Tarmac during this trip, though the second and third times were far more memorable to her than the first and fourth!

It crossed Sally's mind as she was chatting with her in-laws after supper that she and Bud should be grateful that they spent the extra money on steel-frame furniture, something that both the poinsettia and Raffles were pleased about as well!

All set for a refreshing mouthful of pineapple in the scorching Pompano Beach heat, Margie was horrified to have accidentally reached for a scalding piece of pungent garlic bread!

5/5/14

Realizing that Desiree was beginning to catch on to Freddie's trick of "running out of gas" near secluded beaches, he next decided to try out "Oh, it looks like I have a flat tire... and no spare!"

This was the greeting from little Geoffrey when Mrs. Beech arrived home from Alber's grocery and informed him that they were all sold out of stewed spinach and mashed asparagus!

Although Rebecca was proud of her prize-winning hat at The 4th Annual Wagon Wheel Chapeau Contest, Myrtle was really hoping that she'd take it down before they ran the accompanying movie, "Stagecoach."

Sisters Antoinette and Marie usually played together beautifully until the day a neighbor gave them only one doll to share, which eventually resulted in its head being rendered from the rest of its body...

That morning's episode of "Romper Room" was so funny that it caused Troy to set a record at Piddle County Middle School.  He became the first student to not only pee his pants, but his SHIRT, too!

Scamp waited impatiently on the floor for Leroy to allow some of his apple fritter to fall from his lips.  Thing was, Leona was getting rather peckish herself and was gearing up to give Scamp a run for his money over whatever happened to come available!

5/2/14

Rodney had been raised Southern Baptist, but, after seeing a PBS special on Brigham Young, he moved to Utah and swiftly converted to Mormonism, soon marrying both Polly and Esther (with more wives to come after them!)

Sheree and Veleka tentatively headed to the Stubb County Pit BBQ and Ring Toss Social, nervous over the fact that this was the first time either of them had appeared in public since shaving above the knee...

Thanks to an unexpected rough patch in the sidewalk while Steve was taking the boys for a wagon ride, calamity was narrowly avoided.  Fortunately, the wagon rolled onto the cushiony grass and Tim rolled onto (cushiony) Huey...

During all of their wedding portrait sittings, Marsha simply couldn't get it out of her mind that Dale's bachelor party had employed five different strippers... but that only three of them had been female!

Uncle Cliff hoped that not too many people noticed that he had dropped little Annette onto the carpet while rehearsing their upcoming ventriloquist skit.  Fortunately, the heat was off once Frances (to his right) also let her "dummy" Edgar fall to the floor as well!

As the moment neared when little Faye Lynn was to blow out her first birthday candle, she couldn't help thinking it was going to take about three or four more phone books on the chair before she could get within wheezing distance of the flame!