10/25/13

Shawn (second from the left) found out the hard way that Tolan Hilz Photography had a recommended maximum of six subjects per portrait and didn't guarantee full facial coverage for any number beyond that...

Ronnie and Rebecca had wrapped up a staggering amount of square dance competition victories, especially remarkable in light of the fact that Ronnie was completely blind and Rebecca had such poor vision herself that she once wore two different color shoes to a state championship!

Dickie was so torn about what to request for his birthday; either a Lionel train set or a pair of more forgiving suspenders...

As Helen made her way out of the chicken coop with that morning's load of eggs, she really began to regret flinging that skillet-full of bacon grease out the back door the night before.

And so, due to his refusal to let his young son Oliver have even a scintilla of the spotlight, Teddy once again decided at the eleventh hour to take on the part himself, leading to confusion, hilarity and humiliation on several levels.

Far from being a mournful occasion, Agnes' funeral actually turned into a spirited game of one-upsmanship as Patty, Mildred and Virginia tried to outdo each other in the fur and fashion stakes!

10/23/13

Editor's Note:  My apologies for the week without photos - I was on a brief vacation! Back in action now.

Bonnie, who had waited all day for the Cleveland Browns game to begin, poured her Lambrusco and broke out the Cheese Whiz and Triscuits only to have to combat Larry, who actually thought he was going to plug in the Atari at that moment!

Being the prettiest bridesmaid (and having the most incident-resistant hair) in no way guaranteed Charmaine a good time at the reception and she spent the bulk of the evening checking her teeth for lipstick in the reflection of Glenn and Gloria's silver service.

While Myra, Esther and Laverne welcomed Melanie with open arms to their weekly Spades gatherings, all three of them wished that she would inject a little bit of pizzazz into her dreary wardrobe...

And thus giddy excitement once again began to grow as the six finalists were announced for the title of Miss Poinsettia at the Pecan Hills Country Club and Handball Society.

Little Ramon actually didn't mind the strained radishes at all.  What upset him was the fact that Grandpa Leo put the Wednesday bib on him and this was Friday evening!

Sammy and Melinda were so busy quarreling over who could hold Charlie during the family photo that neither one got to do so before the shot was snapped.

10/16/13

Steve couldn't figure out which of his favorite squeezes he wanted to take to Florida, so he opted to take the top five and then pack only one change of clothes (as he wouldn't be leaving his room much anyway...)

As they posed for a second picture, Jessica couldn't help but feel a certain sense of superiority over Margaret who, during the first shot had held Chuck upside down and ultimately dropped him onto the living room floor!

Carol Sue and Randy were so elated that they got a two-for-one special on eyeglasses at Sears Optical that they momentarily forgot that it wasn't necessary to get identical frames!

For the first twelve or so rounds, Chomper didn't mind the little game that Ted was playing, but his patience was wearing thin, his stomach was starting to rumble and he was dangerously close to living up to his name.

At first Rhonda Lynn wasn't going to see Jimbo off at the airport, but when she discovered that White Rain had a new formula resistant to winds up to 60mph, she sprayed her hair and got through the situation just fine.

Knowing that Jennifer had a far prettier complexion and silkier hair than her, Becky opted to show off the boobs in order to get some degree of attention at the Parents Without Partners afternoon mixer.

10/14/13

Richard and Gloria proved what everyone had known all along... There is simply nothing ever good on TV anymore!

Trip finally did what he'd been threatening to do for years: abandon his Wall Street job and live off the grid.  The only real complaint came from Daisy who preferred canned dog food to foraging, but one could argue that Peggy the pony had it far worse.

Contrary to what everyone else had feared, the age difference between Foster and Brooke caused nary a problem.  It was when he started drinking each evening that things began to come unglued...

The unsuccessful forerunner to the Huggie, the Chuggie, which was unable to catch on thanks to mothers everywhere having to drag two or three kids behind her to the kitchen every time she wanted to fetch a glass of water (or scotch...)

Though Captain Ahab was predominantly depicted as a craggy old man, he was, in truth, merely prematurely gray and had a surprisingly youthful face considering the punishment it took from years of the sun and sea.

None of the members of the Little Cherry Blossom Dance Troupe was as observant as Cynthia, who spotted the hard-to-find Easter Bunny long before her cohorts could.

10/11/13

Barry and Sterling's very first day on the job as valet's at the newly-opened Caesar's Palace held much promise, though it wasn't until they had retrieved their seventh car that they realized there was no viable place on their uniforms to store tips!

Ronetta loved to cuddle with Sebastian and could still remember when he was just a little pup and would jump through her earrings for exercise...

Having successfully dropped off Damian and Lucifer at preschool, Mr & Mrs. Satan could go back to the task at hand of wreaking havoc on all the good people of the world.

Mickey and Janet's "candlelight" ceremony went off without a hitch right up until the time they began to exit the sanctuary and ran out of cord on the bouquet, causing them to trip and fall into cousin Buford who was on the aisle of the fourth-to-last pew.

Her first day on the job had been a stunning success, though for some reason, Angie kept mistaking the men's room for the ladies' room, which enabled her to learn a great deal about several of her new coworkers.

After much trial and error, Adrian finally discovered a way to prevent his ever-burgeoning leg hair from becoming caught in the spokes and the chain of his treasured bicycle.

10/9/13

Friedrich and Kurt Von Trapp had survived their climb across the Alps and the trip to America only to discover that their new step-mom had arranged a decade or more of piano and music lessons to keep them from playing outside in their new homeland.

For Charnelle, perfection was the rule at all of her Pinot Grigio and Fromage Mille Bornes nights and she did not appreciate Leonard leaving a stray Perrier bottle on the mantel mere moments before the guests were to arrive!

Mary Sue loved to decorate her baby carriage with colorful hydrangeas... until the day her neighbor Mrs. Crackleflank discovered where they were coming from.

For Michelle (lower left), sheer torment was the only way to describe her reaction to Sylvia and Glen's flamenco guitar routine.  Thankfully, though, a stubborn jealously window soon put a stop to the festivities, though not before leading to four stitches...

Everything had gone completely according to plan for Todd, Vernon and Timothy at their audition for The Lawrence Welk Show... until Vernon let his six-month prison stint and two previous divorces slip out in conversation...

Scoff if you will, but Sniffles not only knew how to surf, but came in 4th, 7th and 3rd at the Halukuhuahua Invitational before prematurely retiring to enjoy life with an Irish Setter named Kippy, who he met on the beach after one of his practices.

10/7/13

It was blind dates like this one from the classified section that led Loretta to ultimate cancel her subscription to the Rambeau County Chronicle.

Netta Jo was thrilled when Ben called to say he was "bringing home dinner" until she realized that she still had quite a bit of work in front of her if she planned on eating that night...

While enjoying her vacation, Rowena told Damon that if he didn't like sunbathing next to "a porcupine" that he could just shave her legs himself!  So he did.  Right there on the beach...

Having Clarence "paper-trained" had its pros and cons.  Eventually, he learned to read the ads and, thus, wanted to tag along to IGA whenever Alpo was on sale so that he could help pick out his own flavors!

Sam and Cynthia were finally allowed to visit his sister Gloria's house again, so Cynthia always packed a doily in order to avoid turning this new couch into burn-hole Swiss cheese as she had the previous one.

While at Grandma Lou's, Christy loved to play with her watercolor paints.  If she ran out of paper, she'd start in on Lou's face.  (If still bored after that, she gave make-overs to the Asian statuary!)  

10/4/13

His position as 4th Vice President of Cleves-Hammond Bank & Trust in no way interfered with Myron Castleberry's ability to entertain and cut-up with the best of them at any party.

It took a long, long time (and they missed four meals back home), but James and Miko finally proved Uncle Toshi's theory true that if you dug and dug, you could reach the other side of the world (in this case, Redondo Beach, California.)

Susannah thought she could once again coast on a glowing smile, but this time there was no escaping punishment for having eaten 70% of the popcorn garland that her mother Rita had strung around the tree...

Though it was funny enough at first, after twenty minutes of this, Ricky and Beth decided it had definitely not been the smartest plan for both of them to search for her wayward contact lens under the table simultaneously.

It was on this day during Sunday dinner that Mrs. Fielding decided it was time to move her family to the city because her children were associating too closely with and assimilating too strongly to the animals of their farm.

Nolan Hills Portrait Photography got off to a very slow start before the company started to abandon the idea of in-home photos and recreate bucolic settings with the aid of backdrops, fake bridges, hay bales and the like...

10/2/13

No one expected love to blossom between prim Gillian and the corporate bulldog Jim Lafitte, who had been accused of pirating companies away from their rightful owners, but somehow it all seemed to work out fine for them in the end.

Second cousin Sam kept complaining and complaining about how tough his food was, causing Lydia to give him "what for."  Only his wife Renee knew the real story, which is that he had chosen his fruit from the centerpiece instead of from the Corelleware bowl that Lydia had served the real stuff in.

Jerry was really pushing it, yanking out one of Clifford's precious hairs which, by this time he practically had numbered.  Of course, this "prank" figured heavily into Jerry's raise come review time!

It had been a remarkable day at the market for Kristoff.  Not only was he able to affordably stock up on beets, rutabagas and even papaya, but three year-old girls were also marked 50% off and he knew that Magda would be thrilled that he picked one up.

Of all the visions Brian thought he'd see upon waking up from his vasectomy, this one of his mother Marian and her sisters, Vera and Trudi, was near the bottom of the list, but that's what happened.

Wilma Jean really didn't care whether he wished to do it or not.  It was her birthday and she wanted Uncle Shem to do his tap-dancing spoon act for everyone.