9/9/13

Mary Sue pulled out all the stops to impress her husband's boss with a spectacular Christmas dinner, complete with spiritual hymns on the phonograph.  Unfortunately, she had no clue that Mr. Irving Metzelbaum was in fact Jewish...

Beatrice forgot to keep blinking during the sixth and seventh applications of Final Net and, as a result, had to rely on Natalie to usher her around the party.

Thanks to yet another over-zealous Cincinnati weather report, which called for two to three inches of snow, Diane's store was sold clean out of bread and milk and, well, most everything else!

In her first public appearance since getting an entire pack of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum caught in her hair, Joanie seemed to be fully accepted by Trish, but Ronnie remained skeptical...

An early publicity still of the once-famous Cow Pattie Quartet, a tap group that played to hordes of VFW parties, family reunions, steel mill grill-outs and, as in this instance, barn-raisings.

Against all warnings, Charmaine continued to date Cliff, enjoying a blissful, passionate experience right up until the day he lived up to his name and pushed her off of one!

9/6/13

Allison couldn't understand what was taking everybody so long to get ready and head out the door.  The line for Santa was already forming at Kresge's and she was bent on getting there before all the unbroken peppermint sticks had been handed out!

As the process wore on, Arthur began to seriously regret throwing his dish of stewed prunes off the top of his high-chair and onto the floor...

Chet and Willie thought they would hate their being stationed on a desolate tropical island outpost, but in time they not only grew used to it, but actually started to warm up to the situation enormously!

Marilyn had so been looking forward to introducing her two young granddaughters to the neighborhood, but the aloof, publicity-shy girls had obviously taken after their snooty mother Jackie.

After some careful planning, and the sacrifice of parts of her whirlwind social calendar, Peg at last figured out a way to ensure that she could see both "Gilligan's Island" AND "The Monkees" on Monday nights at 7:30.

In an unfortunate turn of events, Grandma Kate happened to discover the whereabouts of Teddy and Tommy's lost pet iguana just as this photo was being snapped!

9/4/13

Once again, Grandpa Arthur had come into the living room to find Michelle in HIS chair with her feet on it instead of her being nestled in the bean bag chair that she'd requested for her birthday and that he'd wasted good money on...

Like every year, Jimmy wished on his birthday that he'd get one of the roses on his cake, but once again Mama Jolene already had dibs on them all.

In another example of his wacky inventions, Bernard showed Edith and Gretchen his newfangled "hot tub."  They almost got in, too, until he explained where all the bubbles came from...

Well, Dick and Karen had made it through one year, defying all expectations amongst their friends, but the writing was on the wall (and on Karen's face.)

When Clifford called and said he'd "found" a date for the party, no one there expected his remark to have been so literal.  Oddly enough, once the chloroform wore off, Sally had a pretty decent time!

Great Aunt Opal had never been fond of the fool games that Bruce and Sara Lynn took part in in the first place, but she really did need her bra back this time because her bus would be at the stop in just under ten minutes.

8/30/13

Grandma Severn has been so delighted to keep the girls for two weeks until Tammy chipped a piece of her carnival glass and Ronda was caught twice with boys; once behind the cistern and another time in the canning cellar.

Jill never worried about her weight.  She knew she had personality and pizzazz to spare and could afford that second jar of bananas and the occasional Devil Dog.

Elspeth found out the hard way that the front steps were not the place to perfect The Jitterbug, but thankfully her mother was near by with a Cutex bandage.

Shirley, still hung over from a festive night on the town, once again made the dreaded mistake of sprinkling bathroom cleanser on her French toast instead of powdered sugar!

In order to please Great Aunt Sissy, Michelle and Leesa posed with the stuffed bears she'd brought them from her trip to Washington state, but Leesa knew that she was out the door within moments because the Anthrax concert was starting in 45 minutes.

Jeff and Karen loved to cut up and pose little Howard for funny shots like these, but Aunt Louise didn't cotton to that type of foolishness.  

8/28/13

Jim and his fiancee Helena were always welcome at all of The Woodson's family get-togethers, even if Helena's hair blocked 60% of the light from the family room lamp....

And so another one of Therese's festive holiday dinners was spoiled because a tipsy Richard mistook the hall closet for the bathroom.

Residents at Easy Nook Retirement Village always looked forward to social director Clarice's parties, especially Halloween when she sometimes broke out her now-tight to the point of tearing Playboy Club cocktail waitress uniform.

Evelyn often enjoyed whiling away afternoons at Mrs. McGregor's house and was up for any game she chose, but on this dress-up day she politely excused herself and then ran for the hills when she spotted a cauldron of boiling water with carrots, potatoes and onions in it!

Lori knew that meeting a celebrity in person could sometimes be a let-down, but nothing had prepared her for the dejection of running into famed Russian ballet dancer Rudi Balenkoff outside the theatre.

Allison thought she'd made herself clear that she didn't want any more stinkin' colored tights again for her birthday and as she picked up and squeezed the first present, the stream of heartfelt threats began.

8/26/13

Santa had been kind to Schmidts this Christmas.  Not only did little Michael have food for two months, but Farfel got a new bed in the bargain.

Much like their treasured paint-by-numbers artwork, Antoinette and Sylvia could reflect on their lengthy, colorful friendship and recall when each little piece of excitement had fallen into place...

Harriet and her mother Selma couldn't believe that after all their preparation (not to mention praying!), they only came in fourth at the 3rd Annual Elmwood Acres Mother-Daughter Pageant.  Next year, they would shelve the baton-twirling talent segment and go back to playing the water glasses.

Melinda had her fingers crossed that Randy would make the cut for this year's Dallas Cowboys team because it meant a new roof for their less-than-sturdy condo.

Cassandra and Glen's wedding went off splendidly, but they couldn't know at this moment that waiting in the wings was the once-jilted Carlton, who had no intention of giving up his passionate obsession... with Glen.

Fun was fun, but after this fourth go-round, Rex had made up his mind that if this bite of sandwich was all bread with no trace of bologna, all bets were off and he was going back to his basket in the den.

8/23/13

It was hard work, but Shelley didn't mind at all having to mow the sidewalk while her daddy took care of the lawn proper...

Buzz & Caren & Tom & Allison nestled in to watch a racy swingers flick in anticipation of their own night of fun to come, but unfortunately Allison wasn't as on board with the whole scheme as the other three were.

Becky and Ronald Allen had finally reached the top, 1st Place in Fox Trot at the annual Starbright Dance Fair, but there was only one way to go from here...

Dinner was heavenly, drinks were divine and the dancing was snug, but enjoyable.  Still, Kimberly knew that tonight was the night that she and Clinton were finally going to have to have a talk about the unibrow...

Old rivals Nedra and Billie Faye commenced with their semi-annual face-off at the beach, even though the source of their animosity - Ralph Berkmeier - had dropped dead thirteen years prior!

When this picture of Tommy Sampson was taken at 12:35am on Wednesday night at girlfriend Dee Dee's, he had no idea he'd wake up the next morning with a Caesar cut.

8/21/13

Fort Beaton prided itself on its stringent, exceptionally harsh regulations and punishments.  The trouble was, Private Ernie Massokyst actually LIKED it!

Her decoy firmly in place, Rosamund knew that she would never again have to suffer through a lunch of hominy and stewed cauliflower and promptly hitched a ride to the nearest burger joint.

Now that Twyla and Rhonda Jean had collaborated on hurling the flaming paper bag of doggie doo into Mr. Pinkerman's yard, they had a feeling it would be a long time before he would again gripe to their father about stray volleyballs and paper airplanes on his property.

Ramona was in her glory, but Trish had quite obviously had her fill of "historic" Colonial Stringtown...

Carol Sue and Lynda had left nothing to chance, from their costumes to their hairstyling, in preparing to win first place in the Copperfield County Magic Fair.

After a little help from Mom with just two more coats of Light Egyptian body makeup, Betty Lynn would at last be ready to audition for Anita in the Boggle Creek Players production of "West Side Story."

8/19/13

Sneezy had fallen on his share of hard luck since Snow White went off and married Prince Charming and the other dwarves dispersed their separate ways, but on days like this he could treasure the framed portrait they'd all had done and remember the good times...

Since the purchase of their third-hand, black and white television set, Irini and Tetra finally had something to brighten up their nights.  Sadly, only one fifteen minute program - "Borscht and You" - was ever aired during those dark days after the revolution.  

Bick Dutton had worked tirelessly every morning for seven months to perfect his flying camel spin in preparations for the Twizzle County Figure Skating Championships and felt that he was just weeks away from trying it out on the ICE!

Irv Cleghorn hadn't become a regional manager of Vlassic Pickles for nothing.  It took sweat, grit (and, to be truthful, the desire to please his rockin' wife Julie) to really make it in such a cutthroat business.

Frank and Tony hadn't had a four-day pass like this in eight months or more and had no intention in the slightest of "pacing themselves."

As she made that final swing around the Bramblewood Country Club Ballroom, Celeste had no idea that this would be her last appearance at the annual fashion show.  Madame Cynthia refused to employ models who tried to make attendees notice themselves more than the dresses they were supposed to be showcasing.