9/13/13

As Sherman's story about foraging for long-buried musket pellets from the Revolutionary War during his trip to Colonial Williamsburg crept into its second hour, Denise was ready to come up with any excuse in order to end the night, from washing her hair to taking a shower to feigning a case of Montezuma's Revenge.

Thus, for the fourth consecutive year, Cynthia, Timothy and little Nathan Foglenutt were unable to remain focused for the annual portrait in front of the Christmas tree.

Barry felt certain he'd straightened up the living room enough for it to meet with Marlene's approval, but he failed to see coming the infamous "white glove test" on the coffee table...

It had taken many restless hours of trying to stay awake but FINALLY Sherilyn was able to catch Santa Claus in the act of bringing presents to her house on Christmas Eve!

Leroy was eager to learn to play the new organ he got for Christmas, but it was hard to follow the guidance of his father Vic, who seemed to hit two notes at a time with each of his brat-like fingers...

It positively mystified Mona that no matter how often she scrubbed the walls, washed the lampshades and steam-cleaned the drapes, they still eventually wound up with a dark yellow cast to them.

9/11/13

Naysayers scoffed when Samson was enlisted to aid the U.S. Coast Guard... until the day he pulled a 265-pound drowning woman out of the surf with his teeth!

It really didn't bother Carol at all when Herman "slipped into something a little more comfortable" near the end of their dinner parties.  What annoyed her was that he almost never got her bra filled out enough to show off the lines of her clothing.

The Stuckons believed it was never too early to begin doing chores, as little Dawn found out the hard way after a particularly elaborate Sunday dinner...

The canasta party had been truly joyous up to this point, but as Trish continued to drink tall screwdrivers and engage the others with her animated stories, Madelyn began to worry about the safety of her embroidered cat pillow.

At this point in Don's relationship with Hedda, the bloom was still present.  They had not yet allowed her physical condition to come between them and could enjoy activities like volleyball, bowling and shot-put.  

Estelle actually liked neither the comfort of this chair nor its proximity to the food and conversation at her son and daughter-in-law's house, but this was her assigned seat at all occasions because it was closest to the guest bathroom.

9/9/13

Mary Sue pulled out all the stops to impress her husband's boss with a spectacular Christmas dinner, complete with spiritual hymns on the phonograph.  Unfortunately, she had no clue that Mr. Irving Metzelbaum was in fact Jewish...

Beatrice forgot to keep blinking during the sixth and seventh applications of Final Net and, as a result, had to rely on Natalie to usher her around the party.

Thanks to yet another over-zealous Cincinnati weather report, which called for two to three inches of snow, Diane's store was sold clean out of bread and milk and, well, most everything else!

In her first public appearance since getting an entire pack of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum caught in her hair, Joanie seemed to be fully accepted by Trish, but Ronnie remained skeptical...

An early publicity still of the once-famous Cow Pattie Quartet, a tap group that played to hordes of VFW parties, family reunions, steel mill grill-outs and, as in this instance, barn-raisings.

Against all warnings, Charmaine continued to date Cliff, enjoying a blissful, passionate experience right up until the day he lived up to his name and pushed her off of one!

9/6/13

Allison couldn't understand what was taking everybody so long to get ready and head out the door.  The line for Santa was already forming at Kresge's and she was bent on getting there before all the unbroken peppermint sticks had been handed out!

As the process wore on, Arthur began to seriously regret throwing his dish of stewed prunes off the top of his high-chair and onto the floor...

Chet and Willie thought they would hate their being stationed on a desolate tropical island outpost, but in time they not only grew used to it, but actually started to warm up to the situation enormously!

Marilyn had so been looking forward to introducing her two young granddaughters to the neighborhood, but the aloof, publicity-shy girls had obviously taken after their snooty mother Jackie.

After some careful planning, and the sacrifice of parts of her whirlwind social calendar, Peg at last figured out a way to ensure that she could see both "Gilligan's Island" AND "The Monkees" on Monday nights at 7:30.

In an unfortunate turn of events, Grandma Kate happened to discover the whereabouts of Teddy and Tommy's lost pet iguana just as this photo was being snapped!

9/4/13

Once again, Grandpa Arthur had come into the living room to find Michelle in HIS chair with her feet on it instead of her being nestled in the bean bag chair that she'd requested for her birthday and that he'd wasted good money on...

Like every year, Jimmy wished on his birthday that he'd get one of the roses on his cake, but once again Mama Jolene already had dibs on them all.

In another example of his wacky inventions, Bernard showed Edith and Gretchen his newfangled "hot tub."  They almost got in, too, until he explained where all the bubbles came from...

Well, Dick and Karen had made it through one year, defying all expectations amongst their friends, but the writing was on the wall (and on Karen's face.)

When Clifford called and said he'd "found" a date for the party, no one there expected his remark to have been so literal.  Oddly enough, once the chloroform wore off, Sally had a pretty decent time!

Great Aunt Opal had never been fond of the fool games that Bruce and Sara Lynn took part in in the first place, but she really did need her bra back this time because her bus would be at the stop in just under ten minutes.

8/30/13

Grandma Severn has been so delighted to keep the girls for two weeks until Tammy chipped a piece of her carnival glass and Ronda was caught twice with boys; once behind the cistern and another time in the canning cellar.

Jill never worried about her weight.  She knew she had personality and pizzazz to spare and could afford that second jar of bananas and the occasional Devil Dog.

Elspeth found out the hard way that the front steps were not the place to perfect The Jitterbug, but thankfully her mother was near by with a Cutex bandage.

Shirley, still hung over from a festive night on the town, once again made the dreaded mistake of sprinkling bathroom cleanser on her French toast instead of powdered sugar!

In order to please Great Aunt Sissy, Michelle and Leesa posed with the stuffed bears she'd brought them from her trip to Washington state, but Leesa knew that she was out the door within moments because the Anthrax concert was starting in 45 minutes.

Jeff and Karen loved to cut up and pose little Howard for funny shots like these, but Aunt Louise didn't cotton to that type of foolishness.  

8/28/13

Jim and his fiancee Helena were always welcome at all of The Woodson's family get-togethers, even if Helena's hair blocked 60% of the light from the family room lamp....

And so another one of Therese's festive holiday dinners was spoiled because a tipsy Richard mistook the hall closet for the bathroom.

Residents at Easy Nook Retirement Village always looked forward to social director Clarice's parties, especially Halloween when she sometimes broke out her now-tight to the point of tearing Playboy Club cocktail waitress uniform.

Evelyn often enjoyed whiling away afternoons at Mrs. McGregor's house and was up for any game she chose, but on this dress-up day she politely excused herself and then ran for the hills when she spotted a cauldron of boiling water with carrots, potatoes and onions in it!

Lori knew that meeting a celebrity in person could sometimes be a let-down, but nothing had prepared her for the dejection of running into famed Russian ballet dancer Rudi Balenkoff outside the theatre.

Allison thought she'd made herself clear that she didn't want any more stinkin' colored tights again for her birthday and as she picked up and squeezed the first present, the stream of heartfelt threats began.

8/26/13

Santa had been kind to Schmidts this Christmas.  Not only did little Michael have food for two months, but Farfel got a new bed in the bargain.

Much like their treasured paint-by-numbers artwork, Antoinette and Sylvia could reflect on their lengthy, colorful friendship and recall when each little piece of excitement had fallen into place...

Harriet and her mother Selma couldn't believe that after all their preparation (not to mention praying!), they only came in fourth at the 3rd Annual Elmwood Acres Mother-Daughter Pageant.  Next year, they would shelve the baton-twirling talent segment and go back to playing the water glasses.

Melinda had her fingers crossed that Randy would make the cut for this year's Dallas Cowboys team because it meant a new roof for their less-than-sturdy condo.

Cassandra and Glen's wedding went off splendidly, but they couldn't know at this moment that waiting in the wings was the once-jilted Carlton, who had no intention of giving up his passionate obsession... with Glen.

Fun was fun, but after this fourth go-round, Rex had made up his mind that if this bite of sandwich was all bread with no trace of bologna, all bets were off and he was going back to his basket in the den.

8/23/13

It was hard work, but Shelley didn't mind at all having to mow the sidewalk while her daddy took care of the lawn proper...

Buzz & Caren & Tom & Allison nestled in to watch a racy swingers flick in anticipation of their own night of fun to come, but unfortunately Allison wasn't as on board with the whole scheme as the other three were.

Becky and Ronald Allen had finally reached the top, 1st Place in Fox Trot at the annual Starbright Dance Fair, but there was only one way to go from here...

Dinner was heavenly, drinks were divine and the dancing was snug, but enjoyable.  Still, Kimberly knew that tonight was the night that she and Clinton were finally going to have to have a talk about the unibrow...

Old rivals Nedra and Billie Faye commenced with their semi-annual face-off at the beach, even though the source of their animosity - Ralph Berkmeier - had dropped dead thirteen years prior!

When this picture of Tommy Sampson was taken at 12:35am on Wednesday night at girlfriend Dee Dee's, he had no idea he'd wake up the next morning with a Caesar cut.