3/30/15

Savannah hoped that her hat might draw attention from the fact that she was sunbathing topless at a city beach. She just couldn't risk tan-lines that day because she had a strapless sun dress in mind for that evening!

Clinton loved to practice his guitar with his little friend Winslow (who sometimes even pitched in when it came to holding down the strings!), but one day there was a misunderstanding when Clinton played "Bye Bye Birdie" and he never saw Winslow again...

Lloyd loved to spend afternoons by the pool, but had an aversion to crowds. Even at this early hour and with such sparse attendance, he could feel in his bones that "those damn people" were eventually going to migrate out on to the grass near him.

For the first time in the two years since he'd bought his bronzed pumpkin sofa, Troy took the protective plastic cover off and he wanted Karen to be the first one to get to sit on the actual fabric.

As they wheeled him into the OR, Mr. Snozzlestein began to question his decision to undergo rhinoplasty, especially since he hadn't realized he was going to be awake for the procedure!

A dicey, never-before-aired, 1956 episode of "House Hunters" found Alma Cloghoople, her mother Vesta and her daughter Cynthia appalled at the asking price for this one bedroom-kitchen-living room-breakfast nook "ranch," which didn't even have an indoor bathroom!

3/27/15

Andre was very proud of his new semi-convertible sports car and it was said that anyone who wanted to take a spin in it with him (such as Frederic, seen here) had to jump through hoops in order to win a seat...

Billy's grandma, Mary Kay Arden, was more than a little fixated on maintaining her youthful looks, even well up into her seventies, but many folks thought that she took things a little far with her favorite, and very exclusive, vanishing cream.

Now fully grown up, after years of being picked on at school by some of the neighborhood toughs, David Harleyson was keen on showing how cool he could be with his new ride. Unfortunately, his piddling salary down at Schwinn's Dry Goods Store meant that he wasn't able to afford a real hog.

The biggest surprise at the 4th Annual Hanes Charity Waltz-Off was not that Arthur and Melvin entered the competition as a couple, but that they WON!

Diondra had wanted nothing more than to ride a horsey and her mother even duded her out in custom made chaps and a vest, but no one had expected for her to be placed on Ol' Thunderclap, who proceeded to dart all across the ranch violently, before coming to a halt by this corner garden for a quick snack.

As happy as all the children were to meet the Easter Bunny, it became clear that perhaps he should have paraded around the dance floor after the kids broke out into their time-step to "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" so that they wouldn't have to (unsuccessfully) dodge the little rabbit pellets he'd dropped during his visit!

3/25/15

File photo of Millicent just after her fourth Singapore Sling, but just prior to her taking the maracas off the wall and beginning her own special New Year's Eve dance, which resulted in a frenzied melee. Damage to the Mongolian Tea Room Banquet Hall:  $678.43.

Everyone thought that Earl was proceeding with the removal of Sheree's garter ahead of schedule and ran around the gift table to witness it, but in actuality Sheree had lost so much weight in anticipation of the big day that her now too-big panties slid down and she called upon him for help!

For years, everyone wanted to know the secret of Joey Votto's screwball pitch, but it wasn't until this snapshot was unearthed that people found out the way a childhood interest in tools, like this screwdriver, had played a part in his preparation and training.

Child safety restrictions had always been a bit looser in The Philippines than in the U.S., thus Arianne and Griselda were permitted to let Tony and Simon ride on the side of the car for short distances. So long as Arianne didn't go over 20 mph or make any really sudden turns, they usually got to their destinations in one piece, albeit usually a tad late...

Valerie had seen it all before, but Ray was more than taken aback by the dominatrix costume that Sheila sometimes donned for special evenings at home and he stood ready to defend himself against anything!

Smoky the Clown took a break in the arcade between acts. Sadly, when some stray embers set the carpet on fire, the fire brigade only consisted of some other clowns who came tearing into the room on a small engine, tossing buckets of glitter and confetti on the flames!

3/23/15

After the third near-miss coming down the stairs, Fontaine began to wonder if borrowing her grandmother's hand-embroidered veil was a mistake after all. Or perhaps she was wearing it upside down...

It took eight different puffs to extinguish the six candles on Kellie's Holly Hobbie birthday cake (and seven wipes with a paper towel to remove the spittle from the back of Holly's icing bonnet!)

Marjorie couldn't figure out what was so fascinating for Jeff that he had to keep craning to look behind the sides of her hair during conversation, but when she came back from getting a blueberry ice at the Snack Shack and found nothing there but two sets of footprints leading to the men's locker room, she put two and two together...

The Hartwell boys had been ecstatically awaiting Christmas morning for weeks now and that still held true for Jason, Timmy and Mark, but not so much for Robby. He'd made the dreaded mistake of looking under his parents' bed and seeing the stacks of socks, underwear and button-down shirts that were in store for the fellas that morning...

As Therese and Manuel watched the bride and groom exchange their vows, Therese couldn't wait until it was her up there receiving all the love that Manuel had to offer while Manuel was thinking, "Man, this really bites... I need to stay single as long as possible!"

Felda wanted desperately to drift off for a nap, but every time she'd begin to nod off, she'd be startled by the aroma of Duane's infamous Christmas socks, which, as a habit, he wore every day from Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve.

3/20/15

Always afraid that his inflatable canoe might drift away overnight, Howard was always sure to "dock" it way up on the shore, outside the water, though this practice did make getting started in the mornings something of a challenge...

Mike had always been interested in wildlife and wanted to observe animals like this squirrel up close and personal. This time he found out in a very clear and direct manner that squirrels have a real fondness for nuts!

Gary had already decided that his next house would not only include fewer people clambering for the bathroom, but also would have a bathroom in which the back of the toilet didn't also have to serve as his vanity counter! He would hold out for a proper mirror and a sink!

Henrietta had searched long and hard all around the beach house for some shade and never did find it, though a couple of the people in attendance that weekend did note that when she stood still for a while, she at least created some for the rest of them...

Yogi had been contracted to entertain campers at Jellystone National Park from 9:00am to 4:00pm, but every once in a while, usually in the midst of a hard week, he would break out the honey ale around 2:00 exclaiming, "It's 4:00 somewhere!"

Rayna had entered secretarial school with the express plan to meet a handsome boss and ultimately become "first lady" of a grand corporation, so this first gig as a file clerk in the badly-lit bowels of a paper clip manufacturing factory definitely failed to meet her expectations.

3/18/15

Happy 300th Post at Krazy Kaptions!

Even though their air-conditioning had gone out on this sweltering July evening, melting things left and right, Carolee still wanted to give Stymie a romantic dinner. It was a real head-scratcher, though, when he complimented her wax beans when she hadn't even prepared any!

Marian was on to Sal's old tricks. He'd ask her a pressing question while she was in the shower and then when she pulled back the curtain, he'd snap a picture for his collection, but this time she decided only to give him a little bit of head.

Jodelle and Roy could see that little Brooke just loved her new babysitter Burl, but no one could have guessed what would happen that fateful day. The temperature soared to 62 degrees and when they came home, Brooke was sitting in the same spot all alone with two considerable puddles under her!

Chet looked forward to bringing his car in to Rusty's Auto Shed for a front-end alignment and some tire rotation, though even Rusty thought that once a week was far too frequent for these types of services to be rendered and wondered why he was attracting so much business...

Our Lady of Deference Hospital in Bern, Switzerland had suffered a real problem with a string of nurses becoming unwed mothers while on the job, so administrator Karl Morheim declared that the next round of staff (shown here) should be one in which this would likely be far less of an issue...

Grandma Trixie indeed adored her grandchildren, but deep down she knew that one reason they were all this tight was because of the static cling whipped up by the combination of her Dacron polyester pant suit and her new Nylon family room carpet. Everyone was shocked when it came time to part...

3/16/15

Happy (Early) St. Patrick's Day!

Just because he'd been in the hospital for two weeks with a bent shillelagh did mean Ronald's mother Cora didn't get to visit him daily and bring him treats from home such as corned beef and cabbage and shepherd's pie.

In his years as a bus driver, Levon had seen plenty of crazy-ass goings on, but the route that led past The Blarney Stone Pub down on 81st Street seemed to include some really off-beat riders, especially in mid-March.

And so The O'Fallon String Quartet managed to get back upon its feet after that dangerously warped turn around McMillan Avenue, though Bertha, who was accompanying them on tambourine, did notice that a couple of her zils had been slightly dented during the fall...

Mr. Shea, down at Nicholl Savings & Loan, wanted to punctuate St. Patrick's Day with the wearin' o' the green as well as the sharin' of the green, so he had his tellers Bonnie, Marie and Sheila dress up and then instructed them to offer a $2.00 Thomas Jefferson bill to everyone opening a new checking account that day.

Maeve's mother was handy with a crochet needle, but in spite of all the lovely handmade items, her little legs did sometimes fail to keep entirely warm.

The serene portrait sitting that Colleen had intended turned ugly when a stray pine-sap-laden branch attached to her blouse her attempts to free herself from it caused her to not only get a run in her hose, but also to slide off the rickety rock wall and into a moist patch of muddy grass!

3/13/15

Mildred's obscene behavior that last night during the farewell Luau ensured that she was OUT of The Ladybugs Pinochle Club for all time and would never been invited on another trip... In fact, Alberta went through all the albums and eradicated her visage from any photos containing her!

Unintended double duty occurred when, while earning her troop's merit badges in wildflower pressing, Denise fell in the lake and wound up earning the girls water rescue badges as well!

Tired of having her calves and ankles kicked by Herman during dances down at the Scuffetown, Virginia Elks Lodge, Charmaine took matters into her own hands and, with the aid of a roll of toilet tissue from the ladies powder room, set out to keep him in check.

Knowing that Billy was faltering in both science and geography, Aunt Fern decided to pitch in and show him how the ozone layer was diminishing over time due to carbon tetrachloride emission, something no one expected her to have been so tuned into...

For Tania's first gig as a car show model, she wanted to stand out, so she headed over to Western Costume and rented one of the outfits previously worn by The Golddiggers on The Dean Martin Show.

What with Grandpa Barney's life insurance check finally coming through, Grandma Louise could finally get that new Mustang she'd had her eye on and she immediately asked granddaughter Tania to snap a picture of her with it!

3/11/15

Since her house came with the biggest back yard, Tracie loved to have friends like Chase over in the summertime, but as her parents hadn't yet invested in some lawn furniture, her duties as hostess could sometimes be backbreaking...

George and Mary Von Yapp were inspired by "The Sound of Music" to always line their brood up in a neat row, according to age & height, whenever they were in public, but somehow the kids themselves could never quite figure it out.

Ying Li got really into the book her boyfriend gave her about harmony and balance in all things, but after seeing the way she redid her apartment, Jesse started to wonder if she'd really gotten the true message out of it that he'd intended...

Miss Neeclocker always loved to toss little bits of her leftovers to the nearby squirrels, but recently - about the time she misplaced her bifocals - she felt like one of the squirrels was awfully big and dark, with a strange preference for tuna fish and milk...

Mitch thought that since he was on vacation, he could skip shaving for the week that he and Michelle were in Cape Coral, Florida, but during their first romantic encounter on the sofa, she decided that his plan of action wasn't going to cut it. 

Having already lost a hot dog and a small bag of Pepperidge Farm goldfish to Lucien, Melissa was particularly wary when it came time to try a banana... In fact, she didn't even dare to sit deep in the armchair with her back to him!