7/31/15

Petunia Potter kept trying to get Aunt Mrytle and Aunt Louise out of the kitchen so that she could roll up her sleeves and start on the redeye gravy, but they were so intent on arranging the parsley around the country ham that they wouldn't listen!

Having been denied her half-day out of the office on the Friday before Labor Day, Barbara had no intention of letting her excursion plans fall through. Now 80% finished with a quick makeover on her cousin Frank, she felt that with some earrings and a tad more blush, she'd never be missed at the accounts payable desk...

Sylvia had at last conquered her agoraphobia to the point where she could make it up the cellar steps and onto the pavement, though clasping the guardrail with both hands did make it difficult to water her thirsty plants!

Jane was nervous about attending her 40th class reunion from Hudson High School and wondered if she hadn't clung a little too tightly to the past when it came to her overall fashion sense...

Of all the many wineries they'd toured in the Rhineland, none was as fun for Kris and Dina than Falhausen, thanks to the generous samples that were given out upon arrival!

Margaret had warned Randolph repeatedly that if she ever again tiptoed to the bathroom in the middle of the night and discovered the toilet seat up, he was going wind up in the doghouse for a solid week and she was always a woman of her word!

7/29/15

Late in the revelries of the Fourth of July bash down at the Busch, Arkansas Elks Lodge, Doug and Annemarie set out to commemorate America's independence over Great Britain with a special victory salute!

And so, with the sudden influx of screaming children and loud, corrective parents, Ramundo's dream of a restful, reflective and relaxing day at the beach turned into the usual quagmire of aggravation...

Anne Burlynn admired the modern sculpture from a safe distance, still tentative after a near miss with a propeller at the Wright Patterson Air Force Museum.

Following her and Baby Wetsit's trip to the moon on board a flying, Scottish palomino donkey, Suzanne determined that, no matter what her mother recommended, she should never have both a Hot Toddy and two spoonfuls of Vicks Formula 44 cough syrup before bedtime!

It became pristinely clear to Madelyn that prior to Ralph's posing for photos before the Junior High Snowball Dance he had walked across the forbidden cream-colored carpet in the den and she wanted to know just exactly how he intended to get back to the door without repeating the offense...

Sarah Renee had clumsily walked into a door handle two days before the Sugar Plum Tiptoers Dance Recital, but her mother decided to cleverly work it into her makeup scheme rather than try to ineffectively cover it up with pancake base.

Everyone gathered along the shoreline to search for Gerald's sister Laura and, just about the time everyone had practically given up, Robbie happened to feel something uncomfortably similar to arms and legs just below his feet!

7/27/15

It had been a great day of fun and games at the beach, but Alphonso knew that if he truly planned to win at hide and seek against Ramon, he was probably going to have to ditch the trunks.

Everyone screamed and flailed their arms in warning at Henrietta, but she merely smiled and waved back, never realizing that Nosferatu the vampire was waiting behind her in the shadows until she receded from the sunlight...

One of the very first sittings from Andrea Therese Family Portraits and proof that not all the kinks had yet been completely worked out at the time of the famed photographer's incorporation as a self-created businesswoman...

Leroy had no intention of letting the ladies win the annual Battle of the Sexes pool tournament at Claude and Norma's beach retreat, so he used his pool cue to throw Sue Jan off during this key play of the three-game match!

Having to give up her seat on the couch to Charlemagne was bad enough in itself, but what really burnt Harva's butter was that using the chair meant she wasn't able to see the TV clearly around Otis's head and this was supposed to be a really good episode of "Texaco Star Theatre."

In those bygone days before drive-thrus, Leora had to sit in the hot backseat and pray that Lee Ann would remember that she didn't want any onions on her Big Mac or that she preferred the Bicentennial blueberry shake over strawberry, which Lee Ann usually brought back in error...

7/24/15

Despite the fact that his mum had washed his good linen suit pants in hot water and tumble-dried them to the point where they became shorts, Barnaby still managed to have a good time on his class trip to Plainfield...

Bobby Ray didn't fully understand what it meant to "go four-wheeling" and thought that all it required was a vehicle with four wheels, but when he saw the trail the gang was headed on, he thought he'd better grab a quick shot of Ariel in front of his prized ride in case it got dirty along the way...

Sylvie was nervous during her first flight and refused to stow her pocketbook under the seat during take off. She figured she might at any point want a quick swig from the quart of Seagram's Gin she had tucked away inside it!

Heloise always found it sort of rude to ring a dinner bell when it was time to alert guests that the meal was ready and on the table, so instead she had Johann pick her up a glockenspiel so that she could plunk out a pleasant little musical phrase to draw everyone in from the den!

The entire neighborhood was envious of Debi and Travis' white-frosted Christmas tree, sometimes lining up outside their window to grab a closer look, but what no one knew was that, much to Debi's dismay, the frost was real because Travis liked to cut fuel costs in the wintertime!

Penelope was eager to pose for a portrait with her owners Marge and daughter Clea, but they refused to let her pose next to them since the last time Penelope's ever-shedding dog hair adhered to their outfits and showed up in the finished photo!

7/22/15

Everything about Christmas at The Gundelsens went off without a hitch except for little Nicolai's horror at the sight of Cousin Ingmar bursting through the door to hand out gifts while wearing his red leather and white fur-trimmed lederhosen with plaid knee-socks!

Melody thought she'd paid close attention when Aunt Sharon instructed her on how to check for a diaper change. She'd told her to gently insert her finger into the diaper and then smell it....

Roxie was hell bent on making the starting string of the Recking-Havick High School Girl's Field Hockey Team, but her parents were becoming increasingly frustrated at having to replace window after window in their home as she continued to practice...

New Year's Eve at the Captain's Table on board the S.S. Neptune was supposed to be quite the occasion, but one couldn't help but notice the four empty place settings which had been meant for Mr. & Mrs. Mike Rogo and Mr. & Mrs. Manny Rosen, but they'd made a last-minute, fateful switch to celebrate on the S.S. Poseidon!

The Ulfsson's truly enjoyed their six-day stay at their grandparents' Ruritarian retreat, but if the truth be known, Grandma Ingeborg was really ready to end the entire thing on the afternoon of the second day!

Carla Poynter had no idea how long she and her date Chip Pincher had been at the beach, but Chip had the marvelous idea to use her as a sundial so they could determine just how late it was getting before they had to head home.

7/20/15

The grand opening of Vern and Sheila's hot new nightspot, The Mod Pod, was a roaring success and, for a time, the place even became known as a favorite place to buy (LSD-soaked!) stamps.

At Judie and Michael's wedding, the groom new that his bride was quite eager to start a family right away. So he got things started by nabbing little Percival from the yard of a house near the back of the church!

Finally sensing how proud Anton was of his fish, Tammy really began to regret the fact that she'd fished all but one of them out in order to dress up an otherwise bland Geno's pizza that she was baking for the other guests at his pre-Night Ranger concert get-together...

Before embarking on the big-league caper involving theft of The Persian Peridot, Catwoman decided to first try out her new henchmen, Tab and Tom, on a quick grab 'n go at a lightly-patronized Dairy Queen.

True, they'd had their suspicions for a while now, but after this Nolan Wills portrait, it was crystal clear to Lorri's parents that each night at bedtime, her baby doll Vlad was magically arising and gently pressing in the sides of her cranium in to ultimately form a razor sharp point!

Everyone thought she would be safe for a fast snapshot, but Shani hadn't counted on the particularly aromatic box of Cracker Jack in her right hand to attract the attention of a rather ravenous bison named Armbruster!

7/17/15

Usually Janie didn't mind it when Lex brought Bingo over with him to her place, but on this occasion she'd just been throwing together a banana cream pie and because she didn't wash her fingers off thoroughly before greeting her guests, she wound up losing one!

Hugh was always a popular one with the ladies and, in fact, rarely dated only one at a time. In fact he usually took several out per DATE! This, however, did eventually have a wearing effect on him and this particular foursome of gals had a hard time resuscitating him after their afternoon frolic down at Flynt Beach.

Harry kept hearing all his pals hollering that he'd "dropped one of his balls," but he wasn't troubled by it until he'd retrieved the beach ball from the surf and begun to head back to the sand and yet they were doubled over, still hysterically screaming it and now pointing as well!

This was the very last time that vain Beatrice would attend the St. Helen Festival without wearing her glasses for she eagerly stepped onto the carousel, found the horse of her choice and then waited for the ride to begin, but it never did. Her girlfriends had to guide her to the actual attraction after several minutes of looking for her!

Linda didn't want to completely rain on Jennie's parade so she posed for a quick snapshot, but in her heart she knew that there was no way in hell her daughter was really going to leave their house in that get-up!

Byron had been inwardly disgusted with the second leg of his stroller ride through the park because he kept getting a manure-like downdraft, but it wasn't until the outing was over that he discovered the reason why: his mother had stowed one of his soiled diapers in a cargo net on the handlebars above him!

7/15/15

Some kids might have felt shunted if their parents packed them off for a solid month each summer, but Kellie actually adored spending time with her Uncle Bill and Aunt Harold because they had an in-ground swimming pool, two fun Pomeranian dogs and threw a killer party two or three nights a week!

Despite being "four months gone," tenth-grader Georgia Dawn loved her tap classes enough to continue with them right up until the recital, which was three weeks away. She just hoped that her costume would hold up without altering until after the big shebang!

True, Amy Sue might have had a right to feel dejected since she was the only one of her friends (including Patty, Kris and Melinda) to not receive a corsage for the Easter Basket Pick 'n Choose Dinner Dance, but she was truly all right with it since Tommy had instead gifted her with a fifth of Southern Comfort and a 20oz bottle of Tab.

And so the big day arrived when at last Misty Applebaum was selected to sing a solo in the Robeson Elementary Choir Concerto and she was so elated that it mattered not that the song chosen was "Ol' Man River."

Clarissa had made it painfully clear to Simon that while she was off tending to her sick Aunt Gladys in the midst of a horrible drought, he was to be sure and water every single thing he found in the backyard as thoroughly as possible!

Jim Ed was so excited at the way his bridesmaid girlfriend Peggy looked as she headed down the aisle that he couldn't wait until the reception when he could really show her how he felt!

When the morning watch G.I.s came upon Brent and Jimmie, scrambling to get dressed, they suddenly realized why two unauthorized civilians had somehow slinked right by the checkpoint without so much as a word or a glance the night before!