7/31/13

Thus Melanie came to the distinct conclusion that since the first of her fellow siblings' entrances into the world, she had not been able to enjoy even one peaceful holiday occasion...

J.J. had at last scored a date for the Knuckleberry High Homecoming Dance, but was now pressed to shoehorn Bethany into her formal, yet allow enough time for the ether to wear off...

Ricky Richochet had struck terror in many a western community, but somehow the jaunty neckerchiefs he chose to wear helped to salve the fearsomeness a bit.

Jonelle and Clara Lynn barely got their cakes out of the truck before they were devoured by the chickens, though Henny did nibble part of the edge off of Jonelle's Angel Delight.  Henny was now left to perch in fear as Jonelle considered whether to use corn meal or flour breading on her for supper.

Leila had so much trouble pinning her busy newscaster husband Gerald down for a portrait she finally had to resort to dolling up and having her picture snapped during the 5:30pm KHON Evening News.

As the day wore on and both the thermometer's and Carol Beth's mercury began to rise, she couldn't help but wonder why Mr. Festerman got to snap pictures of her restocking the Folger's coffee display instead of letting her do the honors while he took on some of the grunt work.

7/29/13

Adelaide had been warned by her mother countless times not to drink and drive her hobby horse.  Sadly, it took one chipped tooth, a skinned knee and a hopelessly cracked iced tea tumbler before the message was finally driven home.

Scruffles was very particular about where he "did his business," requiring Barney to have to dress for the occasion each morning.  Barney was so used to this aggravating exercise that it slipped his mind to inform Chip that this might not be the very best place to swim at the moment...

Company had begun to arrive and the baked beans were nearly done, which really put the pressure on Thelma Jean to get that hand-knitted table trivet finished in time to save her dining room table from being scorched.

Thaddeus always loved to "go for a ride" but even he was staggered by what Jesse could do with a dune buggy and a stretch of ostensibly smooth sand.

Clarisse and Vivian were game for roughing it on their road trip, but soon began to tire of Merv's penchant for hoarding all the toilet paper for himself.

It became painfully clear to Herbert as he posed with little Emily that building a snowman at the community dog park was, perhaps, not the greatest idea he and Emmeline had ever come up with...

7/26/13

At last, Rodney learned his lesson and would LISTEN the next time his father advised using a non-skid surface on the back deck of his house.

Ever the cynic, Beryl believed that rain was headed their way even though Agnes and Clifford swore that the forecast called for sunny and mild; the whole reason they picked that day to tour the countryside.

To the very end (which was not far off), Eloise blamed Carrie for tempting her to walk too far outside the perimeter of their safari camp, thus enabling the cannibals to get ahold of them...

Anna Lee was proud of her new convertible wallet (which switched to a make-up bag after some vigorous adjustments), but Aunt Edna was shocked and rather horrified to find out that it was actually made from whale foreskin.

Once he'd gotten a glimpse of Melanie Sue's coronation hairdo, Elroy the maintenance man was relieved that he'd built the rose trellis as high as he did.

Competition ran fierce at try-outs for the new Dutch Girl Cleanser mascot.  Once Patti (third from the right) was disqualified for placing tacks in the shoes of several competitors and Melba (far left) was eliminated for actually being a short 20 year-old woman, the way was cleared for Nora (fourth from the right) to take top honors.

7/24/13

Despite adopting little Kal-El when he came crashing to Earth from the planet Krypton, Ma Kent was bent on introducing him to the customs and traditions of his new home such as Christmas (and Pall Mall cigarettes.)

Sam loved the bachelor party and enjoyed having his buddies serve in the wedding, but as things wore on, he began to deeply regret having brought them along on his honeymoon...

Greg savored his first Christmas in the furnished apartment he was renting, though the decorating style of Northern Wisconsin took some getting used to.

Marjorie had rebounded nicely after her divorce from Terry and was tremendously content to date Chief Hunting Beaver, though the splinters did take some getting used to!

Marla Retton spent countless hours demonstrating various gymnastic moves to her daughter Mary Lou, even on Easter Sunday just prior to church.

As Toni blew out her birthday candles, she couldn't help wondering what strange phenomena had led her mother Carole to avoid placing flowers on the cake when she knew how great a fondness for them she had in all forms.

7/22/13

Cora could tell within the first few seconds of this call from her sister Myrtle that the conversation was going to require one more shot of Wild Turkey than usual in her collectible jelly jar glass.

With the Ft. Tanflank talent competition only 16 hours away, Buster and Gary needed to squeeze in as much rehearsal time as possible if they wanted to place.

Kehough required Mary Jo to ride on the back of his cycle in this exact position in order to obscure the fact that he preferred not to wear pants while driving...

Rufus and Snowball always dreaded dress-up time at their owner Cami's house.  It was their second least favorite bit of "play time" just behind "Attack of the Giant Bunny Rabbit."

Jiminy could never understand two things about his owner Meredith.  A) why did she so often run out of his food and B) what in the hell was taking so long to get back when Walgreen's was just down the block?!

And thus began the first church-sponsored series of birthday party strip-o-grams, though Melvin couldn't help but feel that the experience paled in comparison to what he'd seen at all his buddies' more salacious celebrations.

7/19/13

Sgt. Clifford Strahm cherished photos like these from his fiance Celistina, but even more than this one, he adored the one in which she traded in her straw hat for a small, woven, pot holder!

Ever the realist, Bernard was keen on showing little Tinka the harshness of life as she attempted her first descent down the "steps," but he was caring enough to lay a towel on the ground below to cushion her fall.

Merla Faye was happy to host the first couple of combination egg salad lunch & Mah Jong gatherings for the girls, but was still unsure about using her heirloom dining room table, replacing the candles on the mantel or investing in a significant floral centerpiece; things that didn't go unnoticed by Shirley.

It really didn't matter to him at all what the neighbor's said.  Howard had dropped $26,000 on his backyard oasis and he didn't want any fool, screaming, splashing kids around to spoil it!

It was all smiles at the gallery showing, but the moment Anjanette got home, she was on the phone with artist Rene Bellaque for an explanation concerning her torso in the portrait she'd sat for!

Indeed it had been the most exhilarating valentine birthday Janelle had ever had, but she was eager to call it a day as "The Merv Griffin Show" would be on in 12 minutes and she still had one more stack of laundry to put away.

7/17/13

Sharon was delighted to wake up early on Christmas morning and find that she'd been gifted with the baby doll of her dreams, Bee-Sting Betty, who came with her very own EpiPen.

Before settling on Roy Rogers for the long haul, Dale Evans gave several lonesome cowpokes/potential husbands a test ride...

It wasn't the grease or the hours or even the low pay that made Tad and Leroy dislike their jobs at Carl's Jr so much.  It was the paper caps they were forced to wear for sanitation reasons, that severely messed up their otherwise happenin' 'dos!

Reginald had expressly demanded that there was to be no playing of Battling Tops at his party and thanks to the other boys' disobedience he was now left to decide between the portable TV, the stallion statuette or the telephone handle as a revenge weapon.

Before it evolved into a teeming metropolis, L.A. utilized any number of unusual methods of collecting students for school, such as this one.  After all Los Angeles Elementary only had 23 enrollees total at the time this photo was taken.

One of the few drawbacks, though it was a considerable one, to living along the Gulf of Mexico, was the threat of pirates, who often robbed and kidnapped with abandon.

7/15/13

Elsie adored snuggling in close to Myron when he played his acoustic guitar.  The trouble was that the more high his notes got, the more "choked up" Elsie got!

In spite of his amiable grin, Firin' Fred, The Texan Terror, was no one to be fooled with.  He often left a trail of bodies in his wake as he headed to the next town!

Annette couldn't believe that her Christmas plate was about to be spoiled by an unwelcome, but mandatory, serving of Aunt Gertrude's Kiwi Pistachio Grape Guacamole Salad.

Great Aunt Cornelia loved her house and had lived there for 42 years, but the disadvantage of living on a sinkhole was having to grip the counters and balance one's self when trying to putter around the kitchen...

Amazingly, some people still failed to believe in Sister Mary Cumulous' gift for storm prediction.  Those people suffered through a lot of rainy picnics...

Every amenity was seen to at the Beachwood Doggie Daycare facility, but there had been no rule of thumb laid out for when one of the residents cheated at checkers.

7/11/13

Sylvia always appreciated a little boost from Vera Lou when boarding the train, but this one positively sent her over the moon and they had to help her down from the roof of the car.

Only Uncle Shorty and his sick nephew Michael found it funny when Shorty would don the stuffed bear costume and proceed to scare the bejesus out of unsuspecting children like Michelle after first lulling them into a false sense of security...

Little Rudy felt that borrowing dad's tie and mom's hat would somehow allow him passage to the Fern Country Shriner's dinner dance, but the organizers would have none of it.

Rufus thought that digging up tomato plants that had no tomatoes on them was pointless and was more than happy to wait until his owners had just begun to salivate over their upcoming harvest before striking again.

Unused poster art for the ultimately never filmed "E.T Meets the Wolf Man."  Once Mark Wahlberg pulled out of playing The Wolf Man, Spielberg lost interest, too, and the whole thing just collapsed, depriving us of another great CGI masterpiece.

Sarah Kay was ready for Paulie to finally blow out his candle, but Grandma Vonetta forbid it as she'd forgotten her lighter and had no other way to continue to lights her cigs that afternoon.