6/28/13

Twenty minutes into their stay at the Larchmont Motor Inn and Carolyn knew it was going to take a stiff drink every half-hour to put up with Sandra's peppy attitude...

This was the straw that broke Reginald's mother's back.  Never again would she permit him to take a window seat on the school bus when it was "picture day."

It might have felt broiling hot to everyone else, but to Scottie, it was darned brisk out there in the raft.

The Petersons went to extraordinary lengths to hide their dysfunction.  It worked for about six or seven years until the local prisons and psych wards began to fill up with them...

Fun-loving gal that she was, Marguerite could have a blast most any place, but Selina was having none of it and was ready to ditch this lousy party after 45 minutes.

Tommy was certain that the single piece of London broil was enough to feed the six of them, but in his heart Cliff was very glad that he'd stopped for a package of brats and a tub of potato salad.

Child prodigy Ozzie Putterman was one of the youngest golfers ever to turn pro and his prototype golf cart/stroller is still the gold standard in some circles of toddler athletics. 

6/27/13

Lucille loved Christmas and loved the annual South-Eastern Jellico Holiday Brunch, but dessert (lemon-raisin, brown sugar maple fruitcake) was extra special this year! 

It was July and for Harold that could only mean one thing: a steady parade of Joyce's tomato soup, tomato juice, homemade catsup, angel hair with marinara sauce and BLT after BLT... 

Allison had rather selfishly asked for a Cadillac for her Sweet Sixteenth and, while she did collect in a way, she could only hide her abject disappointment at not getting the real thing so much. 

The bliss that Clarence and Berniece felt on the day of their 60th anniversary was palpable and surprisingly infectious. 

The legendary Dryden County drought of 1951 had many ramifications, not the least of which was doubling up at bath time... 

Cherise was stunned to find out at the semi-annual Tupperware Sales Convention that she had sold the most avocado green flour-sugar-coffee-tea canisters in the state and was thus given a commemorative brooch to mark the occasion. 

Dr. Hagedorn couldn't get a good lung reading on Mrs. Gassman during a rare home visit and thought that her stethoscope might be broken. Later, however, she was in fact able to ascertain that her patient had enjoyed cauliflower for lunch that day. 

6/26/13

Ramon loved his new bride Sheila's hairstyle, not only for its inherent beauty, but also because it helped draw her head back into the perfect position for a post-nuptial smooch (or twelve!)

A shot from page five of the now-defunct catalog company Virginia's Secret, whose broad range of products also included bulk cigarettes, hair mousse and elbow exfoliant.

Bruce frantically sought to get in shape before the 4th Annual Clinton County Iron Man competition rolled around again.  His rank the first three years had been 23rd, 19th and 17th, respectively, but this was going to be his year.

Emotions ran high as General Mills held another round of auditions for the role of Sprout, Green Giant's diminutive sidekick, who would be on hand at various grocery store grand openings, vegetable trade fairs and be visible in print advertisements.

It's not that Sherilyn didn't like the privacy fence that Wayne had constructed at her insistence.  It's just that she had specifically requested that it be built higher than her hair and Wayne had underestimated the styling trends that spring.

This Christmas, Clifton was dreaming of a 12K gold ID bracelet, but Jerry already knew that Santa was actually going to be delivering him a vest that was two sizes bigger than the one he currently owned.

The record player was stacked and ready to go, the popcorn was popped, the fridge was stocked with RC cola and Liz was all set for her annual Girl's-Night-In Pajama Party. 

6/25/13

Snarfy knew if he waited just eight or ten more snores, he could slink away and escape the clutches of mean old lady Teemeyer and get back to Billy and Cicely Johnson, his rightful owners. 

Bernie relished the idea that, within just a few seconds, he'd be slamming the lid on Carter's relationship with Janet, leaving a clear path to his own happiness with her!

Ramona was having a spectacular time at The Magic Kingdom, but Camille remained furious that the park attendants refused to let her go all the way up into the parapets of Cinderella's castle and it ruined her whole day.

The lunch of strained carrots, hominy and applesauce at Grandma Haskins' was yummy and all, but now Aaron was ready to get to business and open up this hog on Route 23 to see what it was made of!

Madeleine tried to stay all smiles and didn't have the heart to tell Yoshi and Miko that their idea for flame-grilled egg rolls had been an epic fail...

Sandrine was proud of her show-covered holiday tree and felt that it went a long way in her design plan to "bring the outdoors in" at Christmas time.

Leon's tremendous excitement, mixed with a smidge of terror, at meeting Santa Claus for the first time suddenly became painfully obvious to all in attendance...

6/24/13

Despite a surprisingly scintillating personality, Denise had an undeniable mousy quality that kept her from reaching her full potential as a local debutante-to-be. 

Cut-ups to the end, Larry and Sylvia's vacation albums were chock full of shots like this - of one them taking a picture of the other one taking a picture (of the other one taking a picture....) 

In the final analysis, it had been a disappointing day for Marsha; first, coming in fourth at the Mary Martin Look-Alike Contest, followed by dry rot in the hull of her boyfriend Buzz the lifeguard's boat... 

Cathy thought it was never to early to prepare little Diane for a successful career in the rodeo as a top female bronco-buster, but Stephanie still had her doubts... 

In one of those hard-to-believe show business match-ups, (but a surprisingly happy one as it turned out) the daughter of The Lone Ranger and Joan Crawford and the son of Bob the Builder and Clarabelle the Clown spent many happy years together. 

Even when he was a small boy, Mrs. Reynolds would catch little Burt daydreaming in the yard about becoming a huge movie star and a sexy, all-around ladies' man.

Though Charles and Evelyn deeply enjoyed their visits at the holidays, it was undoubtedly the hardest thing to send Fluffy and Skittles on the long trip back to boarding school once Christmas was over. 

6/21/13

It took a whole team to make sure that Yolanda was (safely) tan for the annual Timberlake Pot Luck and Square Dance, with Ma closely looking out for mosquitoes and hints of too much sun while Gypsy stood guard against any hungry coyotes. 

Mary Sue was confused by her mother-in-law Jackie's behavior.  She had been kind enough to meticulously construct her wedding dress from the Butterick "The Sound of Music" Pattern Collection, but then turned around and "pulled a Baroness" on her by wearing her hair a distracting foot-and-a-half high!

The entire family was elated that Chip Jr. was finally getting married, but his mother Seraphina had still not granted her full approval of the match-up.

Freddie and Yvonne weren't ones to stand for too much ostentation for their big day and so were happy to elope rather than go through a huge wedding, especially since Freddie Jr. was only four months away at this point!

The St. Olaf Chamber of Commerce spared no expense at their bi-weekly Kielbasa and Pickle Relish Lunch 'n Learns.

Reggie thought that his wife Valerie did a pretty decent job as Queen Elizabeth I at the season-long Renaissance Fair in Pickerington, Illinois.  It's just that she kept that same, bossy, regal air about her when she got home each night and took the wig off!

Mary may very well have had a little lamb and might have taken it to school one day, but Ricky thought it was far more impressive to take Henrietta on his paper route each and every morning!

6/20/13

On Buddy's final weekend before being remanded to Federal custody for an interstate morals violation, the Rondholders gathered for one last family portrait. 

The businessmen of the Felicity Elks Club knew that the exclusive Knotty Pine TV Room was the only place to catch the latest sporting events and, due to its popularity, had placed an order for several more chairs.

This was the worst Christmas ever for Cynthia, who had burned through all of Clifton's rotten presents and still never came to one with an engagement ring in it!

Prom night in Bodega Bay meant only one thing:  white jackets for the men in order to camouflage all the bird poop.  The ladies generally just took their chances and hoped for the best.  

Scotty couldn't mask his disappointment any longer at having scored so much cheap and unexciting candy this Halloween and was making a mental note already as to who's house would be egged before the next sunrise.

Beatrice was all smiles on the outside, but it really burnt her butter that the VERY first time she'd taken off the plastic slip covers, Albert had managed to spill coffee on her tufted turquoise armchair...

Ramon was Maryville's number one television salesman, but he'd clawed his way to the top dishonestly by espousing the benefits of color TV to all the devoted fans of "I Love Lucy," "The Twilight Zone," "Perry Mason" and "The Alfred Hitchcock Hour."

6/19/13

Cynthia's graduation from college was a gleeful occasion for everyone.... except Aunt Edna who now realized that this new distinction would, in all likelihood, remove her from the "Family Feud" team, the taping being only weeks away at this point. 

Judy's husband Oscar had been punished enough, she felt, and so she went to release him, not yet aware that he had managed to dig his way out from under the flimsy back wall. 

Renee had attended the reception with the express intent of hurling ketchup onto Mildred for her use of and affection for real fur, but the old lady's charm finally wore her down and the two wound up as friends.... 

Clarissa decided not to take personally the reaction she got from little Becky when she tried on her new two-piece during the pre-summer month of March. 

In a last ditch effort to teach Arnie the basics of potty training and bathroom hygiene, Mrs. Potts attached a pair of her bloomers to the bottom of Bluebell's birdcage for demonstration purposes. 

Arthur admired the way his new piece of statuary balanced out the other artwork in his den. Prior to this, the wall portrait behind him had dominated the space unconditionally. 

Wolfie was bound and determined to retain his dignity, no matter what Roger was hell bent on doing to him for the Easter holiday.