7/10/15

And so with this one foray into heavy late-night partying, Mickey slid into a phase of dangerous and worrisome activity that was only halted by the able support of Donald, Minnie, Goofy and a heartfelt long-distance telegram from Porky Pig.

Brett had been the one to suggest the adventure of camping to Myra, but by the time her wish list for a three-bedroom, two-bath trailer with butcher block counters and an Amana Radarange was filled, they may as well had never have left home!

Waldo and Bitsy Lou were a surprisingly skillful pair of Old West bank robbers, whose chief method of operation was to have Bitsy's already abbreviated top burst open while Waldo merely collected the funds out from under the goggle-eyed teller's staring faces!

Veronica had a bad habit of projecting her own thoughts onto otherwise inauspicious moments in life. Take for example the night Clarence had Charlie McCarthy propose marriage to Baby Rose. His delivery was so convincing that Veronica mistook the whole thing as a real proposal for herself!

The Meads had been snowed in for four solid days with no television and only one book to read ("Alpine Ranges of Eastern Europe"), so they were more than glad when they were able to finally burrow out of their chalet and make tracks to Der Frusen Glädjé  for some Schnitzel and a hearty snifter of brandy!

Everyone eagerly awaited the blowing out of Mara's candles and the cutting of the cake, though everyone present knew in his or her heart that there was no way her wish (for her bangs to suddenly grow back, and evenly) had any chance of coming true...

7/8/15

Since Dennis had disobeyed and not kept either his bedroom or the front yard clean and free of debris, he was placed on the back porch and forced to watch his prized toys and play vehicles sold at the garage sale while Aunt Gert and Aunt Mona looked on gleefully...

Watching Ronnie kiss his new bride Linda was something that best man Greg was going to have to get used to, though it was going to take some time to move past the fact that it used to be he who was the recipient of all that affection from Ronnie...

Not that she'd actually recommend it to others, but Barbara Jean was finding that being kidnapped by pirates really wasn't as bad as she'd anticipated. After all, they allowed her to come up on deck to grab a little sun, gave her ten minutes privacy in the head to fix her hair and makeup and served up a delightful fried perch dinner each night!

Chuck and Clinton had just about reached their saturation point when it came to serving as dress forms and then modeling their mother Francine's original designs!

Angela definitely had fun at the Cheese Cube and Vodka Tasting Party that Sigma Alpha Kappa had thrown the night before, but had scant explanation for why her skirt had come apart or she had awakened to a fully open cardigan!

One thing Mabel especially appreciated about the Morton-Lindsey Aquatic Center & Spa was that the attendants always assisted her with disrobing prior to her kelp & sea salt wrap or algae eater foot exfoliation...

And so an otherwise relaxing nap in the sun for Ray was interrupted when he awoke to find the pool boy straddling him and vigorously applying Coppertone to his arms and torso.

7/6/15

Though most of the revelers at the 53rd Annual Founders Day Finger Sandwich & Oom-Pah-Pah Fest either didn't notice or didn't care, it bothered Carol tremendously that Cyrano Snuffleberg always seemed to veer off tempo with his accordion during choruses of the songs.

True, it took longer for her than for any of her old ballet school classmates to finally land a leading role in a production, but at last Rona made her debut in "The Ugly Duckling" and was heartily greeted by well-wishers and former prima ballerinas back in her dressing room after the first (and last) matinee...

As Mrs. Klorform went to alert Cindy that her date had arrived to pick her up, she weighed the good (that he'd brought a long-stemmed rose for her daughter) with the bad (that the rose came from their front yard landscaping), finally leaning on the side of bad because of the way he'd casually situated himself into one of their deluxe rec room armchairs!

And so, after having surveyed all the other folks present at the Open House, Marvin had to admit that it was a mistake to carry his wicker purse to the party instead of the dressier white patent leather one he'd initially considered...

Still too young to express himself verbally, Freddie tried to send a visual message nonetheless that his Aunt Ramona had come out to weed the flower beds with the bottom of her skirt accidentally tucked into the waistband of her control-top panties!

The Halloween festivities were in full swing, with Roy, Jeannie and Sally Kay all geared up for the Indian Corn Bobbing Contest, but Joan was strangely tight-lipped about the whole thing and declined to participate.

7/1/15

They all used to joke about Louis Noggin and how he'd forget his head if it wasn't attached, but then came the day when he even forgot that, leaving it on the beach while he and his pals all loaded themselves into their paneled station wagon to head home!

And so, after a harried and highly contentious competition, Elsie Reinhardt was finally able to winnow down to the top three participants in The 14th Annual Pickle Relish Boil Off.  Prized butter mint trays in bronze, silver and gold were granted to these ladies while the other entrant, Joanne Valmont, went home with a Kraft recipe book.

Some of the other privates found that they could never locate Rusty Handelman during their rare moments of recreation time until one day he was discovered nestled on his cot reading the scandalous and gossipy novel "Peyton Place!" Truth be told, though, he was really reading some of the more steamy sections over and over rather than the entire thing through...

Beatrice always counted the moments until her father went off to work and her mother started housework so that she'd be free to call Cathy Sue, Bonnie and Emma May in order to catch up on all the hot gossip such as who was still eating pablum for breakfast, who hadn't completed her toilet training yet and who pranced around town with too many ruffles on the seat of her underpants...

At first the guys at the frat house were worried about the fact that Mike Marshall had been raised next to a nuclear test site, but once they discovered how greatly he increased the television reception, they put all doubts aside and welcomed him warmly!

Though most people believed Fester Addams to have been a lifelong bachelor, the truth is that he did enjoy a weekend elopement in 1947 with Nadine Braumeister, but the union was quickly annulled when she discovered on her honeymoon that it was his hobby to collect dead mice and hide them in her underwear drawer...

6/29/15

Daylight savings time struck again for poor Darlene as she'd forgotten to set her clock forward and Clay showed up on time for their date, yet she was still an hour behind and nowhere near ready!

Reunion time for Beatrice and Agatha who, fifty years beforehand, had placed second and fifth in the Miss Palm Desert Pageant. Remarkably, they still owned (and wore) their consolation prizes of a selection of Janzten swimwear.

On their way to Ft. Myers Beach, Steve, Chet and Allan stopped off halfway at Jackknife Motor Lodge, enjoying a quick smoke and a cocktail the next morning. Steve, ever the bad boy, used the room's ice bucket in which to mix and serve his sizable sidecar!

Back home from his submarine for the first time in eight months, Randall was greeted by Buford with the same customary enthusiasm that he ever offered anyone else who headed up onto the porch...

Lizabeth took such a fancy to her new doll Noreen that Roxy soon began to get jealous. This explains why, in the coming days, Lizabeth couldn't locate Noreen, but would occasionally spy a stray wrist, leg or swatch of pink dress fabric scattered about the yard!

Theo couldn't understand why Portia felt the need to blame him for the missing candy in her cut glass candy dish. After all, there was no way he could jump up onto the sideboard in order to take it and anyone could plainly see that her husband Spencer had leftover chocolate in the corners of his mouth even now!

6/24/15

Irini finally made it to her son's housewarming party and was immediately confronted with the sight of her ex-husband Renaldo and his new trophy wife, so she sped back to the kitchen to mix herself a stiff drink in order to get through the rest of the afternoon!

The Pawnee tribe was more than proud of the very first recipient of their career advancement program. Chief Running Red Ink became one of the nation's leading accountants and eventually headed his own firm.

Mabel quickly wished that she hadn't gone into this rather long and involved story for the human equivalent of Speak No Evil (Paulette), Hear No Evil (Sherman) and See No Evil (Clifford), but as she'd already begun it, she felt she had no choice but to press on!

Aldo's Rum Shack was the scene of a bit of a scuffle when waitress Carrie Traze became jealous that Aldo's cousin Nicolette got to be the one to roam around offering samples of their newest liqueur while she was left having to take orders, wipe off the counters and even mop up spills in the breezeway!

Famed portrait photographer Mauricio Menage had a unique way of putting his own personal stamp on the pictures he produced of his clients. Take for example this otherwise ordinary sitting of brothers Tonio and Cary di Saronno, which became a conversation piece when he opted to place himself into the arrangement...

It became clear right away to Sam and Terri Gerber that this was going to be the first and the very last time that they asked Aunt Florence to heat up Timmy's bottle and check to make sure it was the right temperature before feeding him!

6/22/15

After viewing a few of his better paint-by-numbers attempts, patroness of the arts Roberta Ross told Cliff he really ought to do an exhibit, but he misunderstood what she meant and began to peel off his clothing!

After two minutes and forty-seven seconds of screaming "Marco... " yet not receiving any response at all, Amy figured she ought to see why Duane had apparently given up on the game.

Ruben was unquestionably the light of his mother Gladys' life. He was also the light of her living room, dining room and breakfast nook, but thankfully she had another one for her bedroom and bath...

Byron didn't so much question the idea that Santa Claus was going to be coming down the chimney, but he did wonder if maybe they ought to pull open the screen in order to facilitate his entrance to the den.

Rowena raised an eyebrow or two when she became the first person in Newmarket, New Hampshire to place her cat on a tether with collar, but she needn't have bothered. She and Tuggles were so close, she rarely ever let his feet touch the ground!

And so, as par for the course, Rona Dawn's mother-in-law Joy made a big to-do about offering to dry on a night when they'd had fried chicken and pan gravy. She often volunteered to wash if they had simple things like sandwiches for supper...

6/19/15

Just as people throughout time have wondered who the model was for the Venus de Milo or Winged Victory, the citizens of Hartville, Missouri had been curious who posed for their treasured Queen of Hart Throne, in use at every official Valentine's Day dinner dance for twenty-five years, but finally one day Esther Hippleman stepped forward and revealed that it had been she!

Even as the ceremony ended and Sigrid was ready to take off on her honeymoon, her maiden aunts Agatha and Gertrude continued to argue over every detail of the day, including who was responsible for failing to step outside and put some more coins in the parking meter!

A lot of the townspeople in Youngstown, Ohio hounded Jerry Stringer for taking a child bride and even daring to have a baby of their own, but the simple truth was that Susan Stringer was actually thirty-one years of age, one year older than Jerry!  She just had never gotten quite enough milk or orange juice as a toddler...

And so an otherwise uneventful canoe ride for Miranda was jarred into inescapable hilarity when Barry's swim trunks ripped open down the front and revealed that the lining had long ago deteriorated and fallen out!

File photo of the little-known music act that was used as a threat to Tony Orlando and Dawn's variety series. If Tony demanded too much money or his ratings slipped too far, Andy Tampa and Sunset were ready to take over the time slot!

Up to this point, everything had gone smashingly at Janie's birthday party, but her brother Pete picked a spectacularly inopportune moment to toss her the new bowling ball she'd gotten as a gift from Aunt Gert!

6/17/15

From the floor, Ralph could never fully see whether Marianne was stirring in bits of ham and green beans with his dog food or merely serving it as is, so in order to get the jump on what it would be, he sought out the best vantage point to the kitchenette!

After a perilously hard day and night of sun and fun during the first day their annual sojourn to Fort Lauderdale, Clinton desperately wanted to sleep in the next morning, but his frat brothers had other plans. Significantly different other plans...

At the start of her third trimester, Joyce was doing well in general, but couldn't help but wonder if the prenatal vitamins she'd been downing had some unknown side effects, such as excessive facial and body hair growth.

Just before his band Loss Prevention's very first open air rock concert, Sammy was asked what he thought of the prospects when it came to that day's selection of groupies.

It took some folks a while to cozy up to Hazel and Fred Mudswine, but once they did, they discovered that the couple threw dazzling holiday parties, some of the best that Pigtown, Maryland had ever seen!

And so, on what he thought was going to be just another ordinary day in his playpen, Paulie was challenged to a heated wrestling match by Darren Duck, with Nibbles the Bunny serving as impromptu referee!