8/31/15

Of all nights, Tracee had to pick this one to burn her hand on her curling iron, preventing her from rolling her bangs the way Donna, Debi and Sandi did, but nevertheless all the gals had a blast at the Ratt concert.

All the residents of Slickham County said that rain on a wedding day was "lucky," but they may not have had in mind Connie's outdoor nuptials in which the ground turned to mire and mud pies caked to the bottom of her prairie gown (complete with iron-on lace detailing...)

Anytime a new hand (such as Donnie) was hired on at the Double-B Ranch, Roscoe liked to have him over to his office for a three-finger shot of Jim Beam and find out what he was made of.

Hortense was delighted by her new beach ensemble, picked up at the duty free store on the way to Venezuela, but found out the hard way that the severe South American sun could still make its way through the pinholes of her hat and her cover up!

All the other ladies at Helpmann Haus held a secret ballot and decided that Freda has the most attractively polished doorknob in the building, so she was gifted with this bouquet and had her name published in the monthly newsletter!

And so in that one startling moment as his mommy Julie Anne was dressing for lunch, Samuel was made to understand the marvelous usage, spatial displacement and cosmetic benefits of control-top pantyhose...

8/28/15

Millicent could not wait to tear into her plethora of wedding gifts right after the ceremony, but Josh the groom knew from the experience of his older sister's wedding that despite all the bounty, 40% of the items were going to be either Proctor-Silex toasters or can openers...

Tonio wanted so much to slide right from the ocean up onto the sand like Frankie Avalon did in the movies, but instead wound up on his back with broken shells and seaweed thrust into his trunks!

Bettina and Horace Applebaum were so ecstatic over their fifth wedding anniversary that they went down to Burkmeister's Studio for a portrait sitting.

Sylvia and the kids were so involved in trying to get the fondue to the right temperature, taste-testing it over and over, that they completely forgot to feed Aunt Mabel, who wound up having to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a handful of Fritos before heading off to bed.

Karol and Stu adored Christmas so much, but found that life in Tampa during December lacked that holiday feel, so they bedecked their potted plant with garland and exchanged all their shell decor for candles, ornaments and poinsettias.

The Hackmans always knew that sooner or later they were going to have to break down and fix the foundation on the east side of their house, but after this get-together, in which Shelley and Allen's drinks kept sliding off the coffee table, they finally made an appointment with a contractor.

It took Renato forty minutes to find his special place on the beach, but only forty seconds to find that special place on his chest...

8/26/15

All of The Kriepmores believed that Lila would be thrilled to meet Santa Claus in person and couldn't understand her hesitation in warming up to the legendarily cuddly old soul...

One of the less-publicized aspects of Ronald McDonald was his home life with wife Janet and their five children Rona, Robbie, Randy, Renee and Ron Jr.

After such a long day on the lake, Jack Treacher couldn't wait to get back to the camp and fix lunch. Literally, could. not. wait...

Everyone thought that Bert's removal of Joyceanne's garters was a ceremonial ritual, but in actuality he was taking them in the hopes of holding up his own pesky, droopy dress socks!

Since everyone else in the house seemed to be glued to all the TV shows in the new fall line-up, it fell to Simone to help little Clint learn to walk...

The reception was a fun and festive one, though most of the guests had to agree that it was just a little bit indecent for Mark to lick all the icing off of Bernadette's fingers right there in the hall during the cutting of the cake.

8/24/15

Annaliese became sick and tired of the pesky, 1/4" tan lines where her bottom met her thighs and decided to devote one entire afternoon to getting rid of them.

As The Anderson's bi-weekly Key Party dwindled to its frenzied conclusion, Arthur suddenly realized that the numbers were a little off and he was more than likely going to end up either alone or with Myron Wilkerson!

One of Jerry's favorite ways to spend an evening was to pile up on the couch with Darwin, pop open a cool one and settle in for an hour of "B.J. and the Bear."

If you caught her in the right frame of mind towards the tail end of a party, Meredith was only too happy to demonstrate the tassel routine that had made her the hit of the Tit for Tat Club in Brestleton, Kansas when her name was Misti Springs.

Life on board the S.S. Gateway was always festive, but never more so than when Captain Merrill threw a Halloween wing-ding that was the talk of the ship for the next 364 days...

Regardless of how long it had taken him to grow it, Reuben was starting to tire of having his beard interfere with his line of vision during snorkeling trips, not to mention rides on amusement park roller coasters, so he finally decided it was time to clip it off for good.

8/21/15

It annoyed Hyram so much that Louise took so long to put on her serape and sandals for the All You Can Stuff Burritofest at The Adobe Lantern. The longer she took, the longer his stomach growled and also the longer it took for Racer to get his doggie bag when they returned home!

Melody and Racine were so excited to snap this photo in front of Caesar's Palace, have it developed and mailed back to Aunt Gert that they missed the fact that the never-married Gert might be stricken by the erotic configuration and nudity of the fountain's statue!

And so Kimberly asked her mother Melba once again to go back to the drawing board and fix her wedding day makeup, this time insisting that she keep her eyes open throughout the application.

Teesa couldn't believe her good fortune at winning the lead role in "Flower Drum Song," but it nevertheless burned her butter that all the hair and makeup was being done in the school kitchen and that she wasn't granted a private dressing room.

Felicity found it darn near impossible to achieve the perfect mushroom-shaped hairdo for her and Frank's "date night" when the boys insisted on climbing all over the vanity counter and quizzing her with a dozen questions.

Meet the Royal Court of the Northeast Denver High Rocky Mountain Cotillion: Sherman, Dee Dee, Antoinette and Garry.

8/17/15

Even though Barney had a beautifully sculpted backyard in which to play and relax, he nevertheless didn't like having to go potty in full view of the always-gazing Rodrigo!

Mrs. Fernbaum heard that RCA Victor might be updating their decades-old logo, so she got Celeste all dolled up, snapped a picture and sent it off to the company, hoping against hope that the two of them would soon be rolling in dough!

After some tireless, rather unproductive, rehearsal, Fergus and Robbie came to a difficult conclusion: Either Mary Ann was going to have to start pulling her weight or The Tarrytown Trio was going to become The Tarrytown Twosome!

Joanne's Christmas party was only moments from starting, but she still took a moment to commemorate the new looks that she, Arnie and Felicia had all gotten down at Snip 'n Clip Grooming Salon.

Frankie loved long, lazy afternoons like this, nestled against his owner Dick, but it seemed like every time he drifted off to sleep, Dick felt the need to get up and change the channel on the TV! Things improved a year and a half later when they got a set with remote control...

Randall Eads looked forward to this getaway every year when he'd pack up his supplies and run off to spend a week camping with Rex while Juanita had to stay some and keep house, cut the grass and eat all her meals alone.

8/14/15

When she saw how cozy Heinrich's secretary Lissa was becoming, Mathilde regretted making an impromptu stop at his office, though she didn't regret it as much as Lissa, whose last day this was... suddenly!

During their very first romantic getaway, a lakeside camping excursion, Sally thought she'd surprise Bud by catching them some lunch, but his reply was, "Throw it back! It's way too small!" Ironically, that was exactly what she later told him when he tried to get chummy in their pop-up tent!

Every single member of Wilma Lou's family was sick to death of hearing her rehearse for her debut at The Sorghum Opera House in Götterdämmerung playing the role of Brünnhilde, so she headed out to the cliff where she could warble in peace to her heart's content.

Having obtained her old family albums, doctors were able to trace Myrna's deranged obsession with looking as much like an earthworm as possible to this very moment, a date with Willie to a biology lecture at Wigglesworth Hall.

Yes, right in the middle of their portrait sitting, Garry recognized the familiar scent and feeling of creeping, warm moisture that invariably meant that Polly had a bit of an accident...

Pleased as she was to witness Rebecca Ann's routine for the upcoming Hotsie Totsie Pageant, Grandma Nell hadn't counted on simultaneously bidding a bitter farewell to her favorite occasional table, lamp and a selection of frames and treasured knick-knacks!

8/12/15

Patrice scoured all of Huntsville as well as all neighboring towns to find exactly the right outfit to wear to her sorority reunion at The Grecian Key Cafe & Pavilion and finally scored with this little number.

Ramona was delighted to pose in a variety of spots on the grounds at Calamine Shores, but happened to stumble into some poison oak which left her unable to show off her legs the day after this was taken...

No one could have imagined the reaction they got out of little Archie when he found out that the SnoCone vendor at the ballpark had just used up the last of his cherry flavoring.

Those first few years after the breakup of Simon & Garfunkel were particularly tough on Art, who opted to sit at home with his pooch Rufus listening to James Taylor albums rather than leave the house or do any sort of activities.

Terri told all her friends that what she really wanted for her birthday was one of those singing telegrams, but since her gal pals could only scrape together $12.87, they had to settle on asking Tracey's Uncle Cliff if he would improvise something special for the day.

Naysayers gathered to sneer at the old lady on the swing, but Goldie made all their eyes bug out when she managed to get enough speed going to loop all the way around the top railing twice, whereupon she had to be helped down from the 4-1/2 foot drop.

8/10/15

And so after this third incident, Patricia decided it was definitely high time she wrote a letter to the makers of EZ-Fold sun chairs and demanded at least one of three things:  a refund, a retraction of their advertising claims or reimbursement for her two trips to the E/R and one to Walt's Fabricating, where he sawed through a support beam to free her!

Though it was a big job taking care of Marvin, who was in the 0.001 percentile for length and weight, he generally remained a good-natured infant who only cried when his bottle was empty or his diaper became too full.

The Bernbraus celebrated the holidays in their typical style, though Arnold kept his distance from the candle centerpiece. Two years earlier, he'd scorched his forehead lighting it, but was happy to finally have his eyebrows back in full flower. 

Thus, it was finally revealed why Mr. Togglebrest had burned through three rolls of film from his upstairs window while Dixie and the boys went swimming. From that distance, he thought she was sporting a topless bathing suit!

Cherise took one look at the diminutive blind date that showed up at her door and nearly opted out of going with him. Fortunately, he'd brought along a lovely nosegay of flowers for her and treated her to a delightful dinner at Booster's Roadside Cafe, so she was even considering a second outing with him.

Because their elaborate and challenging tightrope routine was too dangerous to practice back at the big top, The Fabulous Galendas often worked out the early kinks of the program down by the water, making it less dangerous if one of them were to fall.