6/29/15

Daylight savings time struck again for poor Darlene as she'd forgotten to set her clock forward and Clay showed up on time for their date, yet she was still an hour behind and nowhere near ready!

Reunion time for Beatrice and Agatha who, fifty years beforehand, had placed second and fifth in the Miss Palm Desert Pageant. Remarkably, they still owned (and wore) their consolation prizes of a selection of Janzten swimwear.

On their way to Ft. Myers Beach, Steve, Chet and Allan stopped off halfway at Jackknife Motor Lodge, enjoying a quick smoke and a cocktail the next morning. Steve, ever the bad boy, used the room's ice bucket in which to mix and serve his sizable sidecar!

Back home from his submarine for the first time in eight months, Randall was greeted by Buford with the same customary enthusiasm that he ever offered anyone else who headed up onto the porch...

Lizabeth took such a fancy to her new doll Noreen that Roxy soon began to get jealous. This explains why, in the coming days, Lizabeth couldn't locate Noreen, but would occasionally spy a stray wrist, leg or swatch of pink dress fabric scattered about the yard!

Theo couldn't understand why Portia felt the need to blame him for the missing candy in her cut glass candy dish. After all, there was no way he could jump up onto the sideboard in order to take it and anyone could plainly see that her husband Spencer had leftover chocolate in the corners of his mouth even now!

6/24/15

Irini finally made it to her son's housewarming party and was immediately confronted with the sight of her ex-husband Renaldo and his new trophy wife, so she sped back to the kitchen to mix herself a stiff drink in order to get through the rest of the afternoon!

The Pawnee tribe was more than proud of the very first recipient of their career advancement program. Chief Running Red Ink became one of the nation's leading accountants and eventually headed his own firm.

Mabel quickly wished that she hadn't gone into this rather long and involved story for the human equivalent of Speak No Evil (Paulette), Hear No Evil (Sherman) and See No Evil (Clifford), but as she'd already begun it, she felt she had no choice but to press on!

Aldo's Rum Shack was the scene of a bit of a scuffle when waitress Carrie Traze became jealous that Aldo's cousin Nicolette got to be the one to roam around offering samples of their newest liqueur while she was left having to take orders, wipe off the counters and even mop up spills in the breezeway!

Famed portrait photographer Mauricio Menage had a unique way of putting his own personal stamp on the pictures he produced of his clients. Take for example this otherwise ordinary sitting of brothers Tonio and Cary di Saronno, which became a conversation piece when he opted to place himself into the arrangement...

It became clear right away to Sam and Terri Gerber that this was going to be the first and the very last time that they asked Aunt Florence to heat up Timmy's bottle and check to make sure it was the right temperature before feeding him!

6/22/15

After viewing a few of his better paint-by-numbers attempts, patroness of the arts Roberta Ross told Cliff he really ought to do an exhibit, but he misunderstood what she meant and began to peel off his clothing!

After two minutes and forty-seven seconds of screaming "Marco... " yet not receiving any response at all, Amy figured she ought to see why Duane had apparently given up on the game.

Ruben was unquestionably the light of his mother Gladys' life. He was also the light of her living room, dining room and breakfast nook, but thankfully she had another one for her bedroom and bath...

Byron didn't so much question the idea that Santa Claus was going to be coming down the chimney, but he did wonder if maybe they ought to pull open the screen in order to facilitate his entrance to the den.

Rowena raised an eyebrow or two when she became the first person in Newmarket, New Hampshire to place her cat on a tether with collar, but she needn't have bothered. She and Tuggles were so close, she rarely ever let his feet touch the ground!

And so, as par for the course, Rona Dawn's mother-in-law Joy made a big to-do about offering to dry on a night when they'd had fried chicken and pan gravy. She often volunteered to wash if they had simple things like sandwiches for supper...

6/19/15

Just as people throughout time have wondered who the model was for the Venus de Milo or Winged Victory, the citizens of Hartville, Missouri had been curious who posed for their treasured Queen of Hart Throne, in use at every official Valentine's Day dinner dance for twenty-five years, but finally one day Esther Hippleman stepped forward and revealed that it had been she!

Even as the ceremony ended and Sigrid was ready to take off on her honeymoon, her maiden aunts Agatha and Gertrude continued to argue over every detail of the day, including who was responsible for failing to step outside and put some more coins in the parking meter!

A lot of the townspeople in Youngstown, Ohio hounded Jerry Stringer for taking a child bride and even daring to have a baby of their own, but the simple truth was that Susan Stringer was actually thirty-one years of age, one year older than Jerry!  She just had never gotten quite enough milk or orange juice as a toddler...

And so an otherwise uneventful canoe ride for Miranda was jarred into inescapable hilarity when Barry's swim trunks ripped open down the front and revealed that the lining had long ago deteriorated and fallen out!

File photo of the little-known music act that was used as a threat to Tony Orlando and Dawn's variety series. If Tony demanded too much money or his ratings slipped too far, Andy Tampa and Sunset were ready to take over the time slot!

Up to this point, everything had gone smashingly at Janie's birthday party, but her brother Pete picked a spectacularly inopportune moment to toss her the new bowling ball she'd gotten as a gift from Aunt Gert!

6/17/15

From the floor, Ralph could never fully see whether Marianne was stirring in bits of ham and green beans with his dog food or merely serving it as is, so in order to get the jump on what it would be, he sought out the best vantage point to the kitchenette!

After a perilously hard day and night of sun and fun during the first day their annual sojourn to Fort Lauderdale, Clinton desperately wanted to sleep in the next morning, but his frat brothers had other plans. Significantly different other plans...

At the start of her third trimester, Joyce was doing well in general, but couldn't help but wonder if the prenatal vitamins she'd been downing had some unknown side effects, such as excessive facial and body hair growth.

Just before his band Loss Prevention's very first open air rock concert, Sammy was asked what he thought of the prospects when it came to that day's selection of groupies.

It took some folks a while to cozy up to Hazel and Fred Mudswine, but once they did, they discovered that the couple threw dazzling holiday parties, some of the best that Pigtown, Maryland had ever seen!

And so, on what he thought was going to be just another ordinary day in his playpen, Paulie was challenged to a heated wrestling match by Darren Duck, with Nibbles the Bunny serving as impromptu referee!

6/15/15

As she turned the corner to enter the pool party over at Troy's apartment complex (The Enclosed Arms), Connie suddenly felt a huge sense of relief that she'd spent the previous two weeks drinking only butterscotch Metrecal in order to slide into her summer bikini!

While it's true that Popeye tended to eat less and less spinach as the years went on and more fried chicken, Olive Oyl, too, eventually lost the lean and lithe figure she'd once sported during their courting years...

Having his tonsils removed at age 31 was the least of Terrence's problems. It was staying with his mother for two weeks and enduring her attempts at nursing him and cheering him up which were the primary hurdles for him to jump across.

It wasn't until The Buttrams got this photo back, a week after the Memorial Day grill out, that they realized for certain why Fred's famous Bloody Marys ended up not tasting as delicious as they usually did!

Irv had all but begged Heloise not to plop down on his lap because this wasn't one of the good chairs, but she tended to do things her own way (including how she scrambled back up onto her feet shortly after the nylon in the chair gave way and sent them both to the pavement!)

Virgil took his role as head of the Sunset Village Shore Defense League very seriously and even appointed his brother-in-law Mike as deputy. As soon as he actually located the water, he intended to preside over the beach with full authority...

Shane was eager to compete in the Mick Jagger look-alike contest down at Moss's Beer Patio, though he knew he was still going to have to diet down to size 28" jeans before the cut-off for enrollment came along.

6/12/15

Mr. Evans told Helen she could pick out any cat she wanted from the 8 or 10 strays that had congregated at his farm, but when she came up to him with her selection, he realized that several of her recent fender-benders may have been caused by nearsightedness.

And so yet another Squisam Family Fruit & Nut Bruncheon portrait was spoiled because Evaline would not scoot further down on the couch, resulting in a four-car pile up with Grandma Beryl becoming particularly smushed...

Toby didn't believe in earning a quarter for nothing and his car washes were renowned for their thoroughness, including a detailed scrubbing of the roof and a sparkling polish of all the chrome detailing.

It had been one really tough day for Artie, what with the dog knocking over his building blocks and his diaper remaining full throughout the entire running time of "Search for Tomorrow," so before his dinner of pressed carrots and mango puree, he decided he really needed a stiff drink in order to relax.

When Rodney finally agreed to bring along Duncan, the tiny little man who worked with him at the dry goods store, to the beach with him and his family, he really hadn't bargained on having to also share his one and only towel with the guy!

This photo was taken during the brief intermission from the melee at Grandma Harriet's, just after Ethan hit Marie in the eye with a brass candlestick, but before Margaret picked up the punch bowl and emptied its contents as if it were a huge snifter!

6/10/15

Everyone thought that Shamus remained glued to the TV for "The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin," but in actuality it was the commercials for Friskies Dog Food that truly caught his attention!

Adele had begged Mort not to come near the Christmas tree because everything he touched seemed to break apart at the seams, but sure enough he wandered over there, forcing her to get down on the floor and locate one of her treasured holly berry ornaments that was immediately disengaged upon his arrival!

Monica couldn't contain her delight the morning she received her spanking new, color-coordinated bicycle... until she was informed that the basket on the front was to hold all the supermarket circulars she had to distribute each morning before school in order to help cover the cost of it!

In the early days of Sagamore, Massachusetts, there was little else but the concrete plant. With only three women in town (two nuns and a matronly schoolteacher), it was up to the guys to create their own fun on Friday nights.

Exhibit F in the divorce hearing between Gary and Madeliene Fluffnutter. Everything had gone on swimmingly until the photos from his roll of film from the bachelor party happened to be delivered while he was at work, easily disputing his claim that all the guys had done was smoke cigars and watch a basketball game on TV!

The first Easter after Ron ran off with his secretary really put the pressure on Sandy to either find a husband for herself or even one for her daughter Jan, so they decked themselves out to the nines and made it a point to sit in a pew near as many bachelors as possible...

6/8/15

Hedy was by far the most attractive and desirable young lady on Corona Island and had young men lined up in droves offering to help her diving or with her stroke...

After Daddy Ron backed over Sherman the tree squirrel, Muriel and her mother Mavis decided to hold a curbside service to memorialize the poor thing, but, as little Mary Ann could have predicted, their high-volume delivery of "I Come to the Garden" ultimately led to several noise complaints from the neighbors and a police call!

Fern could hardly wait until her master drove off to the office so that she could get on the horn and find out all the latest gossip, such as who on the block was being fed substandard dog food and, particularly, who that trashy little poodle down the street was humping in the alley behind Larry Frederick's Feed & Supply!

Rebecca thought her dazzling, mod hairdo was one of a kind until she got out to the parking lot of Mr. Karl's and realized it was discomfitingly similar to the hedges he'd recently had trimmed along the perimeter of his salon!

Sharvella had long dreamed of visiting the elaborate gardens of the palace at Versailles, but until she could gather enough funds to make the trip, this photo backdrop at the Allentown Elks Pot Luck Fundraiser would have to suffice.

Long before Wonder Woman had her famous invisible plane for transportation, she and her little sister Wonder Girl had to rely on their mother dropping them off at crime scenes in her gas-guzzling two-door coupe!