9/30/13

It confounded Uncle Jess that EVERY Thanksgiving, just as he was in the middle of relaying the tale of how he was once wrestled to the ground by a wild turkey, Timmy decided that that was the time he had to go to the bathroom...

Amateur Talent Night at the Cloudy Noggin Sanitarium did seem to bring about a, shall we say, eclectic and diverse assortment of acts...

Cousin Richie enjoyed spending quality time with his younger relatives, often putting together model cars and ships, but occasionally Jeff would grow jealous of the attention that little Mickey received, so he'd hide or break some of the pivotal pieces from the kit.

The Mullane kids really didn't like being dropped off at school in this manner, but ever since mom Agnes crashed the Pontiac, there was little other choice besides walking four miles, which was near impossible.

No sooner had Hilda filled the pool, inserted the lounger, blown up the raft, mixed up a fast Harvey Wallbanger, lit a cigarette and situated herself in the sun than the phone rang!

Joyce simply couldn't understand how an otherwise pleasant evening spent with friends had to be spoiled by Clint's never-ending quest to undo her brassiere!

9/27/13

Cecilia really didn't think much of Bert's new way of managing the fishing line.  Her Wesson Oil and breadcrumbs were still where she left them at 8:15am, the fire was dying down and it was now going on 10:30 without so much as a nibble.

So with just one small scratch on the Leslie Uggams record she was lip-synching to, the nightclub career of Allison Wonderland came screeching to a permanent halt...

Sue Ellen could take care of herself in the pool, but after last summer's incident, Vikki's mom wanted to be sure her daughter's head was completely visible in and above the water at all times...

Following a particularly painful case of gout, Johann found a new and, ultimately, easier way to crush the grapes for his family's long-standing vineyard and winery.

Before she entered the race track, fashion-conscious Arletta liked to scope out the competition from a good vantage point like this one in order to ensure that no one else inside was wearing the same dress as she.

Though she maintained a pretty good sense of humor about it, this was the last time Karen would sit under a tree that bore acorns, especially when the squirrels were busily collecting them for winter... no matter where they landed!

9/25/13

If this was the best he could do, Carol Jean wasn't about to ask Bert to help fasten her swimsuit straps again.  Being ricocheted onto the lawn and smack dab into the birdhouse pole was no way to start a sunny afternoon...

Mrs. Shavelson thought she had properly gated her yard in order to contain her son, but she vastly underestimated Sheridan's ability to slink through a space no taller than a mail slot!

Between sets at the Honeywood Motor Lodge and Camp Haven on-site cafe, Clarissa liked to smooth over the rough spots by nibbling on some potato chips and knocking back a Mai Tai or three...

Sylvia thought that Curt's afternoon nap was a great time to slide a few dollars out of his wallet to help cover the Toni perm she wanted to purchase on the way home from the sea shore.

And thus Ned found out in the most humiliating way possible never to dive off the yacht from a location so close to a hook...

In a strange sequence of events, the day after this photo was developed Millicent was apparently "home-schooled" and spent summers with her father "out of town" before leaving to "enter a convent," yet no one had ever laid eyes on her again to verify any of these details.

9/23/13

JimEd and Yootha's Holiday Hoedown always got off to a rousing start, invigorating the crowd, but often by the second set (and JimEd's fourth Tom Collins), things tended to grind down substantially.

Sammy Lee's mother didn't have trouble keeping him in good shoes because money was tight.  It's just that mail-order, size-15 boots often took a while to make it to The Ozarks before he'd run through the previous pair...

Unorthodox as it might have looked to other audience members, Bettina had no intention of attending her second open-air Artie Shaw concert and not getting a decent glimpse of him yet again.  

Bitsy loved being carted around in Raymond's coat pocket and got to see a lot of the outside world that way.  The biggest fear always came in the morning when Raymond's unsteady hands attempted to get that first cup of steaming hot coffee to his lips...

Veronica didn't mind one bit Clark's unusual method of predetermining the sex of an unborn baby.  Thing was, at the time this picture was taken, Veronica wasn't pregnant!

And just like that, Jennie Kay (third from the right) saw her dreams of a championship at the 6th Annual Swisham County Square Dance Competition ended by a too-slick party room floor.  She did, however, stay for a group photo while William was transported to Dr. Kneemeyer's office.

9/20/13

Debi frequently enjoyed playing a little game of "Guess the Proof" before heading out on the town.  This night, though, she played so well that she almost missed the Charlie Rich concert!

As was sadly so often the case, another potentially cheerful family portrait of Clifford, Chester and Janice was spoiled because Chester picked an inopportune time to "go number two."

Frankly, Ted didn't give a hoot what anyone in Briar Creek thought about his destiny.  He had IT and was going to parlay his talent into worldwide fame no matter what stood in his way.

The Flushings always looked forward to a visit from Great Aunt Gert, as she usually brought with her all sorts of small tokens of appreciation, but then they'd remember some of her unsettling habits that included chasing after the postman and drinking water out of the toilet...

Being stationed together in Tokyo was a lot of fun for the boys, though the frequent earthquakes sometimes made it difficult to get a decent group photo!

It was so darn hot in Pickering that Clara and Maybelle risked arrest by changing into their bathing habits and trudging right out into the fountain at City Hall to cool off!

9/18/13

Neighbors scratched their heads in wonderment at what strange, cheap formula Mrs. Glover had placed in her boys' bottles as they grew, for Leroy was fine except for a tiny left hand while baby Rudy had a left paw that could knock the teeth out of a grizzly bear!

Faye Lynn was half kidding the first time, but now she meant it.  Harold needed to get that mistletoe out of the doorway before it banged into her hairdo once again!

Sheldon and Troy had been petrified when the plane carrying them and the other members of the Chess Club had gone down in the Peruvian jungle, but thanks to these surprisingly kind and helpful members of the animal kingdom, they were all eventually led to safety.

Dorothy and her pals were positively staggered to finally fight off the flying monkeys and wend their way out of the Haunted Forest only to come upon... Rosita.  

Bonnie Kay thought it was amusing that both she and her mother-in-law had somehow landed on outfits in precisely the same shade of blue for Carl and Sukie's anniversary party, but Miss Agnes failed to see the humor in it.

Even though, technically, there was nothing untoward about it, Velma Jo always felt just a little bit dirty whenever she entered or exited the Cowboy Cafe during trips to Austin and back.  

9/16/13

Amelia, having been selected from all the other choir members to serve as the prize demonstrator at the St. Bernardine "Let's Make a Deal" fundraiser, made Clarence photograph her showing off various pieces of their home decor as preparation for the big night!

Mr. Blocksom was known in the neighborhood for being a strict disciplinarian as demonstrated the day his son Rusty failed to edge the sidewalk as neatly as he'd been shown countless times.

Myrna Jean really wasn't fond of Max's pompadour hairstyle, but agreed to cut and style it for him the way he wanted so long as he curbed his love of speeding, vandalism and backseat fornication.

Clinton positively detested it when Sheridan began snapping pictures of him mixing cocktails in the kitchen, especially when there were canapes that needed to be passed around and ashtrays to be emptied.

Just as their luck would have it, the first time Kathleen and Patty decided to engage in the act of swinging, a cold snap hit town and the heat wasn't working in the motel room...

Solid, concrete togetherness had long marked Bill and Marsha's relationship, aided immensely by a never-ending succession of tall scotch & sodas.

9/13/13

As Sherman's story about foraging for long-buried musket pellets from the Revolutionary War during his trip to Colonial Williamsburg crept into its second hour, Denise was ready to come up with any excuse in order to end the night, from washing her hair to taking a shower to feigning a case of Montezuma's Revenge.

Thus, for the fourth consecutive year, Cynthia, Timothy and little Nathan Foglenutt were unable to remain focused for the annual portrait in front of the Christmas tree.

Barry felt certain he'd straightened up the living room enough for it to meet with Marlene's approval, but he failed to see coming the infamous "white glove test" on the coffee table...

It had taken many restless hours of trying to stay awake but FINALLY Sherilyn was able to catch Santa Claus in the act of bringing presents to her house on Christmas Eve!

Leroy was eager to learn to play the new organ he got for Christmas, but it was hard to follow the guidance of his father Vic, who seemed to hit two notes at a time with each of his brat-like fingers...

It positively mystified Mona that no matter how often she scrubbed the walls, washed the lampshades and steam-cleaned the drapes, they still eventually wound up with a dark yellow cast to them.

9/11/13

Naysayers scoffed when Samson was enlisted to aid the U.S. Coast Guard... until the day he pulled a 265-pound drowning woman out of the surf with his teeth!

It really didn't bother Carol at all when Herman "slipped into something a little more comfortable" near the end of their dinner parties.  What annoyed her was that he almost never got her bra filled out enough to show off the lines of her clothing.

The Stuckons believed it was never too early to begin doing chores, as little Dawn found out the hard way after a particularly elaborate Sunday dinner...

The canasta party had been truly joyous up to this point, but as Trish continued to drink tall screwdrivers and engage the others with her animated stories, Madelyn began to worry about the safety of her embroidered cat pillow.

At this point in Don's relationship with Hedda, the bloom was still present.  They had not yet allowed her physical condition to come between them and could enjoy activities like volleyball, bowling and shot-put.  

Estelle actually liked neither the comfort of this chair nor its proximity to the food and conversation at her son and daughter-in-law's house, but this was her assigned seat at all occasions because it was closest to the guest bathroom.