1/31/14

Cynthia was staggered by Art's proposal, but before she answered him, she had to weigh the knowledge that she'd be marrying someone whose hair would always be twice as big as hers...

Forced to improvise when the regular raft of ladies failed to show up at Stogie's Saloon and Dance Hall, George and Doug found that after the first few numbers (and the first few whisky & waters), they really didn't mind the gals failing to show!

Though George Burns is the one who emerged with the reputation of a cradle-snatcher, Groucho Marx was also no slouch when it came to dating attractive younger women and did so right up until the end...

Janice demanded that Tiffany tell her immediately what it was that possessed her to skip into the middle of her birthday party and moon all the grandparents, so Tiffany indicated the punch bowl in the breakfast nook, which Janice had neglected to label "Adults Only!"

Anton Wallenda believed it was never too soon to get members of the family prepared for life in their tumbling act.  However, he also learned that the best - and cleanest - practices came BEFORE Robbie had his dish of Quaker Oats and not after...

Raejean had long heard that everything was bigger in Texas, but there was nothing that could prepare her for the payphone at The Cattleman's Club.  Not only was she unable to lift the receiver off its cradle, but she didn't even have a dime big enough to stick into the side of it!

1/29/14

Following the ferocious Norwegian tsunami, Hildegarde combed the beach for bits of debris, salvage and another other assorted finds.  She really hit the jackpot, though, when she brushed away some seaweed to find Gunnar!

Of all his birthday presents, Charlie was most fond of his little tractor, but, living in the city as he did, there was no soil to play with, so he had to be content to clank around with it on the cement...

At the 4th Annual Whispering Slumber Stroganoff Dinner Dance-Off, Herman and Mabel took top honors for the second year running, though naysayers felt that Mabel was doing all the work while Herman just sort of stood in place...

The Anheusers knew that they only had a brief window of time to achieve this family portrait before patriarch Barney "Bud" Anheuser would be too far gone to sit upright for the camera.

Ray's first visit home on leave demonstrated that nothing had changed and that all the good times and belly laughs were going to continue on as if he'd never been away at all!

Janet had a foolproof way of determining the quality of her gentleman callers.  While she took them for a quick test-drive, Ringo would watch closely and then after the first big kiss he'd rate them for her by touching his paw to the carpet anywhere from one to five times in a row.  Ones were shown the door without coffee.  Fives enjoyed coffee the following morning!

1/27/14

At first, Sidney was horribly disappointed in the housewarming present (a sofa bed) his buddies had chipped in for... until he opened it up and out rolled Dorothea!

In order for romance novelist Dianne Copper to honestly depict the wealthy, glamorous subjects of her books, she felt the need to doll up in white gloves and a mink halter dress each morning before sitting down to type.

Since their birth, Grandma Stone had stressed to the children the importance of good manners and decorum, such as sitting with one's legs together rather than apart.  Sadly, only Fred ever benefitted from these lessons, never Sharon...

It wasn't enough to have Paul die of an incurable disease, but now Liz had fallen up the stairs and ruptured her liver, killing her.  At this rate, Bernice wasn't sure she was going to be able to tune in any further to the continuing story of "As the World Turns."

Sandra was proud of her body and felt that her purple bikini showed it off to great advantage.  It was the rest of the family's problem that they all preferred to pile onto another bench rather than sit by her...

Sick to death of cleaning sand out from between his toes after long walks on the beach with Tori, Stanley finally came up with an effective preventive measure...

1/24/14

Kimberly and Tracy always played well together.  One of their favorite games was locking mommy out in the apartment building hallway, dressed in only her nightie, when she ducked out to grab the morning paper.

Mary Alice, Cora and Francine felt that a four-person mirror intervention was the best way to demonstrate to Melba the benefits of a deeper shade of lipstick.  They'd get to the subject of her hat later...

Lynda Kay was crisp and white the morning of her First Communion, but an unfortunate meeting between the clothesline and her veil resulted in a set of green-stained knees by the time she got to the church.

Though Pat had initially loved the idea of sending Eldon off to YMCA Day Camp each morning, by the fourth day of getting up early to pack his belongings she was pretty much through with the whole idea.

Connie was so excited to be taking part in the Prellville Bicentennial Parade that she darted off to the school parking lot without her tambourine!

Renee felt that just because Myra was the sole female in the seven-person Oom-Paa-Paa Oktoberfest band there was no reason why she couldn't fix herself up a little and stand amongst all the men in lederhosen.  

1/22/14

Coralee was stunned when she heard the lifeguard holler, "Get your ass off this beach!" to Donald until she turned around and saw exactly what he meant...

After witnessing the way Mitzi handled the mast during preparations for their sailing jaunt, Teddy had a feeling he was going to be in for a very pleasurable cruise...

Clara Sue and Melanie were so proud of their school basketball team, The Aardvarks, for making it to State that they decided to surprise them the moment they came off the court and into the locker room!

This is something we've tried to keep from both Superman and Batman, but in the mid-'70s, Wonder Woman was briefly involved in a secret romance with Spider-Man, as this snapshot from the Marvel Manor Motor Lodge reveals.

So long as Clarence was going to continue with his spells, Florrie had to continue to take his plate down to his room in the cellar where he'd remain until he could eat again without throwing things.

As the noise level increased to a fever pitch, Cleatus remembered the long-gone good old days when a photo shoot of "the kids" consisted of only himself lounging by the fireplace.

1/20/14

Mary Alice's favorite holiday was Valentine's Day, because in the mining town of Chiselton, North Carolina, there was a 4 to 1 ratio of men to women and she knew she'd have suitors falling all over themselves to win her affection on the big, romantic occasion.

Rita's parents told her she could invite anyone she wanted to her late-June birthday bash, so she took them at their word and hosted the entire badminton team!

Sassafras had a feeling her ears were going to be cold tonight while her mistress was out on the town, but it was Midge's turn to wear the wig and there was really nothing to be done about it...  

As the procession of well-wishers wove their way past Jeannie and Glenn, they became more and more aware of how big a mistake it was to have left the boot & shoe scraper at home during their pastoral outdoor wedding...

So long as Fern insisted on serving sauerkraut without so much as a hint of sausage or kielbasa mixed in, Chipper wasn't having it, no matter how much she begged and persisted.

Alvy liked his little cabana all right at Whispering Palms resort along Delray Beach (though the chairs could have been a tad sturdier), but what on earth was it going to take to get his Mai Tai before he dehydrated?!

1/17/14

During the domestic manpower shortage of WWII, it wasn't unusual to see underage workers helping to meet the demand of consumers and homeowners, demonstrated by this shot of electrician in training Sparky Tompkins, connecting a household to Springfield Light & Power.

Having handily disposed of both Grandma and Grandpa McCormick, Beatrice could now turn her evil energies to eliminating the next generation of family members, thus ensuring her place as sole beneficiary of the certificates of deposit, stock in nylon futures and the rare stamp collection that had been intended for disbursement to all of the heirs.

The coup a ripsnorting success, the new government of Omnivia gathered together for their first official meeting and portrait, though, even at this juncture, some felt that Prime Minister Jose Spiriva (front row, second from right) was a little long in the tooth to head a nation...

Now a tad cloudy in their old age, Arthur and Howard had spent a long, long day fishing, but all they had managed to catch were two repeat offender jaywalkers, a flasher and one rather disgruntled court stenographer.

Reggie loved living with his owner Verna Fay, but had learned by now that when she broke out the Chinese apron, it meant that his doggie dish was going to have a bit too much peas, carrots, onion and rice for his liking.

Carolmarie enjoyed her afternoons being sat by great aunt Roxie, though her mother didn't always appreciate her coming home saturated by the scent of Salem cigarettes, Miller High Life and Charm-Kurl perm solution...

1/15/14

At The Clutterson's house in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, the Nativity scene started out each season with a prominent spot on the TV, but as the snowmen, chestnuts, snowglobes, poinsettias, holiday fruit, candy canes and other bric-a-brac was added to the melange, it inched ever closer to the edge until there was a real and present danger of only two wise men coming to visit baby Jesus next year!

Among Santa's more pleasurable stops was the St. Anthony Children's Hospital, not because he had any special affection for the tykes, but because the nursing staff there tended to be smoking hot, such as Shirley, for example...

Princess Lisa longed with all her heart to be able to sit at the front of the float in the annual Tournament of Clematis Parade, but tradition dictated that the older, previous titleholders were given that honor, so she had a couple of generations to wait until it would be her turn...

Such was the level of his celebrity after appearing in two Shirley Temple movies and one Jane Withers', that Rico was forced to wear sunglasses in public in order to escape detection from his legions of fans.

Easily one of the most charitable chefs in existence, Sal Mendoza's favorite event was the annual cook-off at The Kellerman Institute for the Visually Impaired, where little Patty won top honors with her Ham Pea Cornmeal Surprise casserole.

Harmon prided himself on always knowing when a camera was trained on him and, thus, never missed an opportunity to smile for a photo whatever the circumstances or situation!

1/13/14

Cliff and Sandy felt that one benefit of living in the Mohave Desert was the ease with which they could put together a sandbox for little Storm.  All they had to do was basically hammer four boards together around a plot of "yard!"

What should have been a joyous time for Margie and Red, was marred by the fact that he had insisted on building their home on a landfill and the settling causing all of Mikey's baby toys and bottles to roll to one side of the living room.

Eleven years was long enough to wait for the coveted title of Miss Frostbite down at the Marblehead Racquetball and Jai Alai Club.  This time Janice was sure that the fur trim on her skirt would help put her on top of the heated competition!

Mary Agnes thought it was really kind of her sister Janet to offer to share her towel... unfortunately, Janet was offering to share it with Mary Agnes' husband Burt!

Mr. & Mrs. Rogers had seen to it that Clinton received his vaccinations for polio, rubella and smallpox, but sadly neglected to opt for the shot that prevented hoof and mouth disease...

Rosemarie couldn't care less what the other mothers at St. Bernadette middle school thought or wore when it was their turn.  It was her day to volunteer at the cafeteria and she intended to scoop out those mashed potatoes in style!