6/30/14

Selma loved staying at the King Hawaiian, but there were times that - thanks to the uniformity of the hotel's decor - she got turned around in the hallways and couldn't find the way back to her room after a few poolside games of canasta and a Mai Tai or two.

Time constraints led to Pete having to multitask in the morning, thereby combining his first pipe smoke of the day and his shaving, often resulting in a few awkward missed spots around the jawline...

Leroy, on the heels of so many unfulfilling relationships, finally made a great match with Dolly, who not only never argued or complained and cut a great figure, but was such a card when they did spontaneous things such as stopping off on the road for a bargain-sized jar of martini olives...

Only the most agile soldiers in the army were permitted to stay at Camp Bendingham, where so many dedicated and flexible soldiers (such as Lts. Crickshank and Waistcutt, shown here during an exercise) learned valuable reconnaissance skills.

Ramona felt the need to entertain and comfort Emmett during the suspenseful and tension-fraught night before the tests came back which might determine whether he was indeed the birth son of Bob "Bozo the Clown" Bell or if the striking resemblance was merely a fluke.

Readying herself to leave, Gladys couldn't settle on which to wear to the hippie wedding of her granddaughter Daffodil (formerly Denise), her favorite rabbit stole or the more "with it" dandelion yellow crocheted shawl...

6/25/14

And so, in a surprisingly friendly battle for the crown, Vonetta Hutton won the Miss Capital Gains Pageant and received, apart from her flowers and trophy, a two years of service-charge-free checking and one year of complimentary income tax preparation (short form only.)

With this second swing, little Buddy Crackscull hoped that sister Mary Mantle might be a little more careful where her bat ended up after the pitch...

An otherwise delightful night on the boardwalk became momentarily spoiled when Ida Lou Kaufmann was informed that the booth at which she'd just purchased some city chicken had been shut down a few minutes ago for serving cat!

Unlike a lot of kids, Chester was elated to get back to school after a long summer holiday, but he did wonder if the extraordinarily generous hem that his mama had sewn into his trousers didn't draw focus away from his snappy cardigan.

On this day, Tad learned that not only should he not have requested a liver-flavored birthday cake, but also that it was best to eat it AT the table if he didn't want to have to fight for each bite with Sebastian.

It was now going on three hours since Millard had called for Chisler's TV Repair to come out and look at his set.  This was becoming a particular problem since "Peyton Place" was due to hit the airwaves in forty-five minutes!

6/23/14

Renee and Rick always loved having secret, whirlwind assignations in the coat closet of the Burnished Acorn Golf Club, but unfortunately this time Madge Atkins happened to be in there herself, secretly cheating on her strict diet with a slice of triple-meat, thick-crust pizza!

Billy was due to meet his bride Dee Dee at the end of the aisle within moments, but couldn't resist one last snuggle with Raymon before the ceremony was complete and the deal was sealed!

Thanks to some careful networking and bribery, Johnny Clyde was able to arrange a getaway horse, allowing him to escape from his playpen, though it turned out in the end that his freedom was short-lived...

People inquired endlessly to Mrs. Chumley about what it was exactly that she fed Rufus in order to make him grow the way he did, but apart from having filled his bottles with heavy whipping cream instead of 2% milk, she couldn't think of anything unusual she'd ever done...

Miriam Perry was ecstatic to receive her Citation of Merit from the American Institute of Interior Design, though many feel she had a leg up on the competition simply because she never required the use of a ladder and could, thus, manage her time far more efficiently when hanging drapes or painting the ceilings.

Things took a swift turn for the worst at Tonio and Charlene's reception when he briefly considered carving into her instead of the wedding cake!

6/20/14

Franklin decided to take a shortcut home from the park, but wound up unable to work up any traction in the sand, thereby missing dinner by forty-five minutes!

Each year, renowned magician The Amazing Count Cuttzoff held a reunion for all his former assistants and strove to make them as comfortable as he could along the top of his comfy sofa...

Howard had behaved so badly at Cyprus Gardens that Velma decided not to let him eat with her and The Gulletsons, so she chained him outside the restaurant where only Spunky could keep him company until the doggie bags arrived.

Between all the candles burning, the heavy foliage and the heat-retaining hats, the sanctuary became piping hot until each of Paige's bridemaids became ever grateful for not only the tea-length, asymmetrical dresses, but also the useful, flower-strewn fans!

With three-fourths of her children now fully grown and out of the "house," Mrs. McCann started giving tours of her unusual abode in exchange for a small admission fee.

Biff was forever trying to needle Julie into changing the TV channels with the remote control and yet every time she forgot that such devices hadn't even been invented yet!

6/18/14

Having already successfully discarded an old sewing machine, a hibachi grill and a broken lawn mower, by setting them out at the foot of the steps, Ralph decided to try his luck by putting his mother-in-law Bessie out there for the same purpose.

Anna May was so eager to get inside and catch the latest installment of "Lights Out" on the radio that she bulldozed into Pegatha, who then banged into Elise, who in turn knocked down Helene!

Sure, it was all smiles on the outside for Betsy and Mike's wedding, but sister Janet (far right) had not quite forgotten that it was she who first brought Mike home as one of her dates before Betsy began "accidentally" coming into the living room wearing only a towel...

All seven of the gals from Bridgewater Baptist Church were delighted to finally get to see Mount Vernon, but Susan and Marguerite had a little trouble standing up straight after the herky-jerky, six-and-a-half-hour ride on the charter bus.

True, it was a small party, but Bobbie had deliberately decided to keep things intimate as she celebrated the 4-year anniversary of her rec room paneling.

The remarkable thing was not that not that Tina, Tammy, Amy and Chris won the Marvelanes Ladies Bowling Tournament. It was that Mr. Ballbricker had kindly arranged to let all four of his cashiers at Ben Franklin General Store have Wednesday evenings off for eleven weeks in a row!

6/16/14

Renee was thrilled to pieces by the arrival of little Mia, but was impatient for the baby's hair to grow in so that she could do something fun with it.....

Bradley was worried that the long arm of the law was going to come down on him after Scraps trampled and dug up all the flowers in front of the city building of Curtisville, Pennsylvania, but Sheriff Tom Tiny was tough, but fair, and ran a clean town, so he let them off with a strong word of warning and a $4.50 fine.

Private Munsing was used to some really primitive accommodations since he signed up with the army, but Camp Airy was, without question, one of the least comfortable, not to mention least protected from the elements, placed he'd ever been assigned!

Dianne was ecstatic to be chosen to play with the Goldwyn string quartet on a major movie soundtrack, but was far to embarrassed to stop the recording midstream and admit that she'd placed her music upside down on the stand!  Thus, she just plowed through the best she could and hoped no one would notice...

Patrice couldn't wait to take part in her very first portrait sitting as a Monogram Studios ingenue, but had difficulty settling on a bracelet....

Amanda never even bothered to open her other Christmas presents until weeks later since the one thing she'd wanted above all and had asked Santa for the most strenuously was Brent, and there he was beside the tree the morning of December 25th!

6/13/14

Berniece couldn't get over how comfy her drive from Wheeling, West Virginia to Sandusky, Ohio was since other previous times she would experience back strain after the first hour, but she wasn't about to question why...

In what was easily one of the closest races ever in its four-year history, Burt Sparks (and the previous year's winner, LaVerne Douglas) presented the title of Ms. Elmwood Grove to Thelma Jackman while the runner-up Bette Evans forced a smile for the cameras.

While it was fortunate that Nico had two good buddies like Albie and Ron who could get him home to thaw out, this was definitely the last time he would sit outside this way trading baseball cards on such a frigid day!

Since the chops were still marinating, the soup wasn't hot and Rodney was not yet back with the bucket of chicken, Wanda and Gert decided to toss a few quick appetizers onto the grill to hold them over till suppertime.

A family portrait underneath Great Uncle Woody's tree seemed like a great idea for The Dropling Family until Bryan's cap gun frightened all the birds who were roosting above, causing a real mess...

Though Wally felt it was never too soon to introduce Cara to the family's favorite beverage, Renate still thought that she should teach her daughter to pace herself, lest a nasty hangover might rear its ugly head the following morning.

6/11/14

The humiliation and agony of house arrest was made somewhat more palatable for Virginia when Reggie redid the trellis on their front porch, allowing her to see the neighborhood goings on with greater ease...

Irina and Hodel found it more than difficult to transition from their former home in Kursk, Russia to the metropolitan ways of Baltimore, Maryland, but their newfound hobby of duckpin bowling helped them to assimilate.

As the morning light began to peer through the windows, Timothy started to peek, with great trepidation, to see if his little accident during the night had found its way down to Tracy and Kim on the bunk below.

Never a tremendous hit at parties, this time Norb knew that his flashy new shirt was going to spark all sorts of compliments and lead to conversation galore!

No night of euchre was ever complete without two things:  Aunt Rose's Ham & Pickle Relish Dip and the arrival of Sam and Evelyn Sidewinder, always the life of any party.

And so history was made this night when young Kris Kringle placed an engagement ring in a box (within a box, within a box, within a box, etc...) and presented it to Miss Martha Frost, whose acceptance led to a long union together up at The North Pole.

6/9/14

Archie and Clinton didn't mind having a portrait taken, but their enthusiasm paled significantly next to Sammy, who looked forward to each click of the flashbulb with mounting ecstasy!

As the party rolled on at Steve and Eddie's garage apartment, Sheldon found it more and more humiliating that his breed happened to be referred to as "weiner dogs" and Steve liked to joke about that fact by clamping him between his legs.

Not that Chip wasn't delighted to be granted a bike for his birthday, but the one his mother picked out was not only several inches too big, but also a ladies model!

Though nasty gossip had sometimes spread through the village about what Mrs. Claus was really up to during her husband's tireless efforts at making and delivering toys, no one could miss the family resemblance on his side when it came to their two sons...

And so with one final pat of the hair, Jessamyn was at last ready to head to the Elks Lodge in Mendota, Illinois for a night of splendid square-dancing.

It didn't matter to Felice in the slightest that she wasn't the one getting married today instead of her mousy cousin Pearl.  She was "Gone with the Wind" fabulous and knew it.