9/30/15

Once was bad enough, but after this third incident of waking up to the unwanted advances of a booze-soaked paramour, Charlotte finally decided that she was going to have to find a new park in which to nap during her lunch hour!

Fresh off the plane to Guadalajara, Joey was keen to start his first big photo shoot right at the entrance to his hotel, but the pictures were spoiled slightly because he was unable to out wait Mr. Vega, who was bent on leaning against that planter until he had read the morning paper cover to cover!

Bernice was always one to learn a lesson. Having worn shoes with too slick soles on them during her last visit to Lake Minnetonka, she was determined to avoid such a mistake this time out (and stay dry in the process!)

During Parents Night at Le Sueur Valley Middle School, The Jolly Green Giant couldn't resist a fun pose in the hallway with Sprout, especially since the little guy was getting an A in all his subjects with an A+ in both Agriculture and Business.

Desperate for a partner in the Goodman, Alabama Dance-Off, Cerene finally turned to little Baxter who gave his all. In fact, there are still folks living there to this day who swear that the duo would have won had they chosen to dance the Paso Doble instead of the Tango.

Josie was serious about losing weight for her 10 year class reunion, but after exercycling so vigorously that she tumbled off the bike and on to the coffee table, she invested in a helmet so that if anything like that happened again, she wouldn't bear any visible scars.

9/28/15

Among Sadie's favorite childhood memories are the times when her parents would take her to the beach, briefly remove her dog collar and let her roam free along the shore for several minutes before reattaching her to her tether...

Thanks to a severe jellyfish warning, Brett and Thommy had to find alternative ways to cool off, including filling this kiddie pool with water from the changing room shower.

One too many times, Myrtle had bragged that she had once been the model for the Rolls-Royce hood ornament, but since no one believed her, she climbed atop Sheldon's new sports car and attempted to recreate the famous pose!

Chase had done so well on The Tarnower Diet that he decided to pose back in the garden wearing his old sweat pants to show his progress.

Elise thought that after three lessons she was ready to take Thunderclap out for a spin (bareback, no less!), but within moments she was on the ground, a hoof soon landing directly on her far flung eyeglasses...

Ernestine had truly had her fill of Harmon receiving late evening telephone calls from a breathy young lady and made sure that this time when he went to answer the phone, he'd have to do it over her dead body!

Chris had no idea Mrs. Frost's husband was going to unexpectedly come home for lunch during their mid-afternoon tryst, so he hopped in the tub and tried to disguise himself as her great uncle, in for a brief visit!

9/25/15

Okay, so the gals always tended to go for drummers or guitar players, but what Sid and a select few female fans of his knew was that accordion players happened to be so adept with their fingers that they could provide hours of unbridled ecstasy to those who gave them a try!

No matter who posed alongside Garry for a snapshot, he always managed to get a genuine smile out of them, thanks to his habit of pinching them in a particular spot just before the flash went off...

Mildred wanted one of Mr. McDaniel's prize roses to coordinate with her new outfit so she slowly shuffled closer towards them, inch-by-inch, with a pair of scissors behind her back, though it might have worked out better in the end had she just darted over and done it quickly before he noticed her from the den window!

As her parents Valerie and Cliff came to pick her up from Grandma Evelyn's, Marianne remembered what her grandmother had told her, "Say one word about what you saw me drinking from the cabinet under the sink and I'll belt you with my purse until your teeth rattle!"

Fortunately for them, Siamese twins Beryl and Effie were in accord on almost everything from style of dress to which formula of hair color they preferred, though when asked privately, Beryl did think that Effie's taste in earrings was "a little fast" and sort of gave the wrong impression...

364 days after their last "Girls' Weekend," Racine, Hilary and Betty Sue converged on the Springfield Ramada Inn once more and kicked things off by holding Eddie the bell captain captive on one of the double beds!

9/23/15

Maureen loved getting dressed up on Saturday afternoon in her best suit and hat, but at this stage in her rehabilitation she was only permitted to stroll around the fenced-in yard, not mix with actual townspeople on the street.

File photo from Case # 1411-B of Steve when he was still just lifting weights in the playground and not bench-pressing the teeter-totter with petrified children still atop it on either side!

Few things raised more eyebrows in the navy than Captain Harry Pantzoff's insistence on always having Ensign Scott "Happy" Hopper assigned to every base and/or ship that he was during his long and storied career...

And, thus, after endless failed attempts, Otto Fohkus finally figured out the mechanics of self-portrait photography, in essence taking the world's first "selfie!"

Rocco never had a harem of less than three young ladies to help slather him down with suntan lotion, so it came as quite a surprise this day when one of his henchmen, Louie Latham, suddenly volunteered to pitch in on the task!

And so, despite any derisive comments that his less fashion-forward classmates might make, Leon set out for the Flag Day pancake breakfast in the red, white & blue outfit of his own creation...

While the sundial at Harding Technical College was being re-bronzed, Joey Stiffman surprised everyone by volunteering to stand at attention each morning in order to help convey to everyone what time of day it was...

9/21/15

After joining The Chess Club, The History Club and Future Business Leaders of America and having each attempt fail to land Nevin a single date, he finally adopted a whole different tack and bought this t-shirt at Kresge's.

And so, with one stray honeybee buzzing around Hans, then zipping into his suit jacket and down his back, the Chicken Dance was born and was thus incorporated into all future Oktoberfests.

Frances' first visit to Jimmy up at the penitentiary was supposed to be for 30 minutes, but it took the guards so long to search her cleavage for contraband that they had to settle for a quick 7 minute get-together...

Gregg didn't deny all the other dullards and drips at the Springfill Community Pool their right to swim and frolic all they wanted, but there was no way he was going to get his suit wet because he was fabulous and he knew it, even then!

After lunch, Grandma Ev collapsed into the La-Z-Boy for a nap, but that's when Sherry decided to play beauty parlor, giving Ev a "perm" with round clothes pins and Elmer's glue...

Each of the settlers at the Roanoke Colony was given an area or two of expertise to bestow upon the nearby Croatan tribe and Phyllis' was Hair & Fashion, which she provided with diligence.

9/18/15

At Spring Bottom High School, The Tumblebums paid tribute to their foreign exchange student Yen Chang by recreating the Chinese alphabet with their bodies.

Frankie couldn't get why his mother Phyllis and grandmother Edna were so calm when clearly he'd spotted a storm with gale force winds coming right up the street!

Everyone was having so much fun at The Heinz' bi-monthly Ham & Pickle smorgasbord that no one noticed young Pietro getting a bit pickled himself on Rhine wine!

The season opener at Guccione Swim Club was always a highly anticipated event, with customers lining up for entry before the employees could even uncover the instruments in the poolside bandstand.

Brünnhilde was so delighted not only to come in eleventh in the Miss Heidelberg contest, but also because she was presented with a bottle of champagne and a disembodied pig head for use in cooking dinner that night.

Tension beneath the smiles at Wandering Acres Retirement Center gave way to a shove-down when Eloise and Jacqueline both wanted the same (and only) chair left on the lawn before the three-piece combo started to play...

9/16/15

During a continuing crisis of conscience, Rose Francis kept waffling between keeping her job down at The Purple Poodle dress shop or entering the convent, but in the meantime would try on different habits to see if the look would suit her...

Denise wondered whether she truly ought to attend Sara Jane's bridal shower and leave Emmett alone with little Toby for the first time, though she knew he was good at staying occupied in the yard after his 8-month trip to Leavenworth!

Friends were skeptical when Raggedy Andy left Ann for Esmerelda the Gypsy Girl, but they wound up having three delightful children and living happily together for many years afterward, though every once in a while Esmerelda would get mad at Andy and beat the stuffing out of him!

It took 364 days every year for Francine Shelley to finally get to Christmas Day, her favorite holiday in which celebratory effusion burst out from her every pore...

While swallowing as frantically as she could, Christy hoped that Allan wouldn't notice that the single wedgewood blue rosette that had perched atop his cake was now gone forever, but she could never deny that it was delicious!

Amanda could talk it up all she wanted to, but Terri knew that this outfit wasn't going to work for the New Kids concert and Cindy thought the entire discussion about it was a snooze...

9/14/15

Yes, some of the villagers scoffed when Hiram turned in his old car for one with a soft top and his old wife for one with a hard top, but these adjustments kept him ticking for years to come and he died at ninety-three a most happy fella...

Ernst and Hildegarde knew that with Dieter heading off to school in the Swiss Alps that he was going to need a variety of things to keep warm, but since he already had boots, a scarf, a hat and gloves, Hildegarde got busy knitting him something else he could put to good use!

Sometimes when Jay couldn't sleep the night before a big badminton tournament, he'd slip out of bed early, head out onto the lawn and start knocking around his shuttlecock in order to ease the tension.

Everything regarding dinner went well for The Lairds, but as the time for dessert neared, Alma couldn't help but wonder just who the man to her right was and how he'd ended up joining her family during their feast!

After pouring Betty a nightcap, Bert sauntered into his bedroom to slip on his new velour bathrobe, certain that it would ignite Betty's interest, but he needn't have bothered. As soon as he came back out to the living room, he could see that his investment in a spray bottle of Royal Copenhagen cologne had already done the trick!

It was all smiles for the camera, but it was nonetheless difficult to come to grips with the fact that only one-third of the children invited to Julianne's birthday party had actually shown up.