11/27/13

Happy Thanksgiving from Krazy Kaptions!

As Hannah sorted through the turkey carcass for the all-important wishbone, she already had a few things in mind to hope for, one being a husband who kept his dress shirt on all the way through dinner...

At the Purdue School of Cuisine during the turkey-trussing final exam, Marvin couldn't help but feel that Anton had an unfair advantage since his bird seemed to have far shapelier legs than the one he was assigned.

Nora took pride that, even as the family gathered in their underground atomic bomb shelter, she was able to put on a delightful spread for the holiday, with warning sirens only interrupting the festivities during coffee and dessert.

Things had gone pretty well between the always-quarrelling Mavis and Arthur, but when his hand ricocheted off the turkey legs and knocked over her extra-dry martini, all bets were off and it was up to the rest of the family to salvage what they could of the good china and stemware!

This Thanksgiving was a true homecoming for the Derelicks.  Sonny was granted a two-day pass from Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary, Aggie (next to him) was permitted to skip the day school for the deranged and Angelo (third from left), just in from Sweden, was only two more treatments away from becoming Angie.

As Priscilla prepared to board her ship with Plymouth Cruise Lines, she wondered aloud how there could possibly be room on deck for both a hot tub and shuffleboard courts...

After a long day at the Roanoke Junior High Harvest Festival and Craft Show, Mike and Joan were thrilled to step away from the live Thanksgiving vignette and head home for some pumpkin pie and a Manhattan or two.

11/25/13

What with all the family due to be there in fifteen minutes for a long-awaited reunion, Edna Sue broke out the Joey Heatherton wig for the occasion!

Until Bruce could land a better paying job at Midas Muffler, he and Annette would have to hold off on having a third child.  They began to practice their new bedtime position right off the bat in this family portrait.

Rodney was thrilled to be escorting Helen Anne to the Homecoming dance, but harbored real and true fears that if she happened to be selected as Homecoming Queen, the tiara might not make the circumference of her elaborate coiffure!

It was all smiles when old high school rivals Salome and Bonnie got together again, but Bonnie wasn't about to let her frenemy forget that while Salome had relegated herself to a dull life of domesticity, she had once been a Danskin tights leg model...

It was at that exact moment that Emily Rae realized not only did Aunt Fern bring her Avocado-Scallion-Crab Salad, against her express instructions to the contrary, but she also brought it in a bowl large enough to ensure that it could not possibly go unnoticed on the buffet line!

Like all other graduates of the Mortimer McCarthy School of Ventriloquism, Cliff had to let chief instructor Edgar Winchell take a turn on his knee to see how his act was going to pan out.

11/22/13

Of all of Tina's treasured toys, none was more a favorite to her than Willis the Wonder Boy, a mechanized song and dance doll that took eight, count 'em, eight D batteries to operate!

Brenda Kay was delighted to be selected out of all the other beachgoers on Sanibel Island as Miss Shipshape and couldn't wait to tell her husband Terry and have him show off her trophy back home in his tire store.

Anita Roscilli was happy to have The Pilferings over during their stay in Boca Raton, but it didn't escape her notice that young Sherman had snatched several of her prized oranges without asking first...

Generally speaking, Alden Smithfield's children were proud of their father and happy to be around him, though Priscilla couldn't help but wish that he'd update his wardrobe (preferably to the current century, at least!)

Harold, who'd had the good sense all along to stay behind the fence, was grateful that Hattie and Willa Dean had worn distinctively different shoes to Gator World that day.  It made it much easier for the surgeon to match up which ankle and foot went back on each of the ladies' legs in the wake of this encounter!

Just another day at church for three generations of the Chimidilla family, with both mother Angela and grandmother Margarita praying that little Sopapilla would outgrow this lingering awkward phase...

11/20/13

With supper waiting on the table thirty miles due north, Lester and Steven were going to give it one more shot this way before giving up and trying to hop the train separately.

Always one to encourage the complex and artistic side of her children rather than the basic, primary side, Susan had the nursery done over in stimulating wallpaper just prior to bringing little Geoffrey home.

Even though she had a leg up already as the only female aboard the S.S. Lucky Strike, Mavis decided to sweeten the pot with a little shoulder action designed to attract one or more of the young, virile deckhands.

By far the highlight for Peter at the Diggstown Tool & Die Convention was getting to meet Miss Power Tool of 1973, Denise Flouncey.

Initially petrified when, at Gwen's bridal shower, the front door was opened to reveal two police officers, Janice and Shelley quickly changed their mood when Janice noticed that the officers' uniform pants were "tear-away."

Third cousin Gert was really becoming annoyed with "picky pants" Larry's insistence upon wiping off every little cigarette ash that landed on the pork shanks she was grilling for Penny's G.E.D. party.

11/18/13

Raymond's mother just HAD to wash and line-dry his uniform at the end of his 3-day pass, but trouble set in when it was time for him to report back and it wasn't ready yet!

One of the lesser known kiddie shows of the 1950s was "The Misadventures of Hedda" (lesser known because it only ran one afternoon before falling off the schedule....)

"Fibert and his Frolicsome Fillies" scored tremendous success for many years on the Vaudeville circuit until it was discovered that Marvelyn (top center), who'd "married" Filbert six months into the act, was actually Marvin, one of Filbert's old pals from junior high who'd fallen for him during their time in the Glee Club.

Sharing a birthday with little sister Angela had it's drawbacks, but the upside for Kenny was that, as the eldest of the two, his half of the cake had the most roses on it...

Although longing to be one of Clodham County's premier equestriennes, Clara was for some reason never able to place higher than last place in any of her four races atop her beloved steed Stationary.

While it was true that there were only so many more years left for Grandma Marx, she could take solace in the fact that she'd been able to pass down to a couple more generations the traditional family eyebrows...

11/15/13

Happy 100th Posting at Krazy Kaptions!

Time and again Kai-Li had been told by Brian that she must have missed his calls on Friday and Saturday evenings, so finally she took matters into her own hands and made certain she had a phone that she could hear ringing under any circumstances!

The winners circle of the Eastmunster Kennel Club Dog Show.  Sidney (at left of trophy) won the competition, but the juice was sort of taken out of it when the runner-up had actually been Kelly Sue, the young girl in the striped shorts!

Myrtle plotted her revenge carefully and even had her own camera ready when Shirley went to sit on the specially-assigned, faulty patio chair, but in the end Shirley landed on her hair and was unharmed...

Anastasia, the jokester of the family, liked to assign blame in the wrong direction for the smells that came about on the farm after fresh mulch had been laid.

A degenerate from the start, Leroy Gaines would ultimately be kicked out of four different pre-schools and seven elementary schools before finally being permanently transferred to a juvenile detention center.

That awkward, tension-filled moment as Carrie knew she somehow had to break it to Sebastion that this week's episode of Lassie happened to be scheduled opposite the episode of The Brady Bunch that had Davy Jones guest-starring and she was not going to miss it...

11/13/13

Arthur was thrilled to come home from school with his report card full of A's, not because he was interested in excelling, but because his mother had promised him a home-baked apple pie if he got good grades.

Celeste's daring new two-piece caused such a sensation at the beach that she caught the eye of Carlton, the handsomest lifeguard on staff, who proceeded to chase her all the way up to the ladies' changing room, very nearly making it inside!

Prior to heading off to Bell State University, Graham and Alexander made certain to put aside a little cache of money to use for calling their girlfriends back home, Hedy and Ione, long-distance.

Irini and Berthe stayed home for three solid weeks, determined to be on site in case Batman and Robin ever had cause to scale the side of their apartment building and on day 21, their efforts were finally rewarded when they spied the dynamic duo on their way up.

Brian only remembered bits and pieces of his spring break trip to Tijuana, but one thing he could never forget was giving the cantina prostitute a ten-dollar bill and getting little Ramon as change!

Somehow all the back-biting competition in the Tipsy Meadows Annual Bake-Off seemed to dissipate once the gals each got a healthy serving of Beulah's famous butter rum bread pudding with beer-bourbon sauce...

11/11/12

It was on evenings like this that Jeff was so glad he invested in a queen-size waterbed rather than a double...

A rare publicity still from the unsold TV pilot "Fish Family Robinson," all about a typical American family whose boat sinks off the coast of a blue gill-laden, but otherwise abandoned, inlet.

Even as child, years prior to heading one of the most successful conglomerates in the world, Helen had no time for such frivolities as hopscotch or playing with dolls.  She was all business from the bassinet to the boardroom.

Hank hadn't a clue in the world that he'd be receiving a Christmas goose from Sherilyn  in early-November!

Prior to heading out to her weekend job as a cashier at the Bar 'n Char steakhouse and lounge, Bobbie liked to entertain the family with a quick run-through of "People" or, on occasion, "Happy Days are Here Again."

Emma Jo was happy to teach grandson Clint the art of making her famous buttermilk biscuits, but if he didn't stop pressing the dough together so tightly when handling them, she was going to find a whole 'nother use for the rolling pin!

11/8/13

Joyce was a shimmering example of the pre-liberation super-mom.  All before 8:30am, she could stuff and decorate two baskets, get the kids dressed for Easter service, polish her white pumps and still have time to water her hat!

By far, the year's highlight at Dexter's IGA in Greenfield, Minnesota was the arrival of Miss Le Sueur Peas of 1955, who happily greeted guests and posed for pictures until the toppling of a tower of Ken-L Ration dog food led to an early conclusion to the festivities.

As he and Sue Linn prepared to leave for the dance, Winston suddenly realized how fortuitous it was that he had preselected a yellow boutonnière  instead of the red one he'd considered beforehand.

Shawnita had been warned repeatedly by her mother that she was far too young to emulate the risque moves shown on "Soul Train," but she proceeded to try them out until finally she was caught in the act!

Having spent countless walks in which he was forced to urinate on an old telephone pole or a rusty street lamp, Clarence truly felt he had hit the big time when his owner took a detour to where this luxurious hydrant was located.

Betty Kay spent more than a few toasty summer afternoons hanging out with her beaus and playing a little game with her son Chip that she called, "Guess Your Father."